#1
It all started on the day you died
Took your skeleton and ran to hide
And I saw the way my mother cried
She held her head up as the flood arrived

I met a girl on a winter night
We fell in love and I held her tight
She stole my soul in a secret rite
And left me out in the flood to die

I blacked out on a summer day
Started living in a chemical haze
I woke up in a different place
Where the flood washed me away

Now I know that i must survive
The dark waters filling up my life
Just keep breathing 'til i arrive
To the time when the flood subsides
-------------------------------------------------------


with one line change and a new coat of pain
Last edited by Dillon_Kennedy at Sep 25, 2011,
#4
Quote by TextOnTheScreen
I don't think it needs a chorus at all. The verses are beautiful together, don't disrupt them with a chorus.


thank you! im working on the guitar part for it but im not very skilled yet... since i will be singing it also i have been working on a chord progression.
#7
Quote by StrumThatFender
"The smell of your flesh
So rancid and fresh
It keeps me alive!"

No?


both rancid and fresh... how delightfully contradictory!
#8
Seriously though, I agree with the first user. Don't bother with a chorus, it's perfectly fine as it is.
#9
Quote by StrumThatFender
Seriously though, I agree with the first user. Don't bother with a chorus, it's perfectly fine as it is.

Maybe a AABA form would work? Stick a chorus in late, so the flow stays but theres a bit of variation. It's worth experimenting, but it is good just how it is.
Dude, where's my band?
#11
chorus idea:


I cant see my way
Through all these lies
At least not since
Your untimely demise
The flood is taking over me
And with the cleansing rain, so pure
Fate is knocking on my door
The flood has come to forsake me
Keep on rocking in the free world
#12
are you ready for the day
in which all have come to die
i am struck by your carelessness
of something something lies
the great flood is here
formed of our tears
which run deep for we are shallow
encounter our fears
the only day i have truly lived
and now im nearing death
no regrets
#13
ya an aaba pattern would work but i think you should end with a chorus and then do just one or two lines of verse for an outro!
a full verse at the end might not sound conclusive
______________________
my my hey hey rock n roll is here to stay
#14
The line "She ate my soul in a single bite" kinda bothers me. The whole song is kinda dark, and brooding etc., and "ate (...) in a single bite" sounds kinda cutesy. Maybe tried "devoured my soul alive" or something like that?
I also don't think the song needs a chorus. Little bits of lead/melody between the verses will work just as well, and will be less cliche.
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28199361#post28199361
Gear:
Electric
2008 Epiphone G400 Heritage CherryFUBAR
2008 Ibanez GRG 170 DX
2009 Cort KX1Q
2011 LTD H 351 NT
Randall RG 50 TC
Ernie Ball 11-54
Acoustic
Dean Markley
Dunlop 10's
#15
i rewrote this for shits and giggles:


First stage of your existance
Closeting your skeleton
Inducing abandonment
Organic in origin

Slender beauty meeting gaze
Amorous in frozen days
Emptiness wearing my face
Fashioning my carcass case

Morning Star extinguishing
Conciousness a former thing
A far cry from where i have been
Perception of oblivion

Continuing to persevere
From ingress i cannot veer
Inhaling unmoving fear
Dormant shall i still remain
#16
Quote by Dillon_Kennedy
i rewrote this for shits and giggles:


First stage of your existance
Closeting your skeleton
Inducing abandonment
Organic in origin

Slender beauty meeting gaze
Amorous in frozen days
Emptiness wearing my face
Fashioning my carcass case

Morning Star extinguishing
Conciousness a former thing
A far cry from where i have been
Perception of oblivion

Continuing to persevere
From ingress i cannot veer
Inhaling unmoving fear
Dormant shall i still remain


Lol I read it while I was listening to Emppu Vuorinen's Ulterior Motiv. I came because of the amount of epicness.