#1
C4C - it's a short one

When the butterfly touches the rose, it causes a beauty unparalleled by any moment outside of heaven. It creates the ideal feng shui to achieve nirvana. It creates an atmosphere so pure that even the dove cannot match it. It creates the poetry and it creates the music that stirs up the finest of emotions in all witnesses to the event. It creates the love that only you and I have. And so, nothing matters but the defining moment of when the butterfly touches the rose.
#2
Quote by 21wickwing
C4C - it's a short one

When the butterfly touches the rose, it causes a beauty unparalleled by any moment outside of heaven. It creates the ideal feng shui to achieve nirvana. It creates an atmosphere so pure that even the dove cannot match it. It creates the poetry and it creates the music that stirs up the finest of emotions in all witnesses to the event. It creates the love that only you and I have. And so, nothing matters but the defining moment of when the butterfly touches the rose.

The imagery here falls nothing short of beautiful. I'm not that impressed with the structure though, and I think that the repetition of the words "It creates" wasn't really as good as the rest of this piece. It could also use some rewording here and there. Still it was definitely a pleasant read.

Thank you for the crit by the way, I know this isn't much of one since it's pretty short and doesn't really require much. Sorry about that

#3
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
The imagery here falls nothing short of beautiful. I'm not that impressed with the structure though, and I think that the repetition of the words "It creates" wasn't really as good as the rest of this piece. It could also use some rewording here and there. Still it was definitely a pleasant read.

Thank you for the crit by the way, I know this isn't much of one since it's pretty short and doesn't really require much. Sorry about that



Thanks for the crit, it was definitely helpful. I think I can come up with a stronger word than "creates," definitely.
Also I could make it more of a verse poem then a prose type of poem too and see if that structure works better.

Thank you and much appreciated!