#1
i found your bow tie today
lost amongst rubble of former yous
laid there waiting to temper love
tossed in a box of longing
a box you shouldn't belong to
i saw it and want forgetfulness
forgetfulness of green eyes and blonde hair
some ink hearts that we both share
and the times i've wasted here and there.

its velvet red and smells of you
the edges are weathered
and easily undo,
a bow tie
in a box
now full of you.
#2
beautiful. this is something to hide in your pockets
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
former yous felt odd, but at the same time it is an interesting little bit of speech that gets tucked away in your thoughts to rest as you read the poem. keep it, I think.

longing/belonging also felt odd, but in a way that I'm not sure if they sound too similar to keep. definitely understand the use of both of them, and it could definitely be justified. if it were me, I'd change it. but that's preference. anyway.

last stanza was absolutely wonderful. it closed up everything you were alluding to in the first stanza somewhat flittingly. really great work in general- the first two bits of crit. were moreso personal preference.

on the idea of the piece- very interesting to compare/contrast the bow tie. its formal, but only in certain situations. it has to be tied, maintained and kept a certain way unlike regular ties that might be kept loosely or tied in different ways. connotates an interesting way of keeping or holding something- and to add this to the box idea makes it a very elegant and balanced idea of love being kept and stored away, but in such a specific way as to display the kind of affection and care it took to get to that place. well done.

if you could take a look at my newest, that would be great.
#5
Not bad. It certainly paints a mental picture. If I were you, I'd keep working at it and perfect it.

The title of thread kinda made me hungry, though.
"Weaboo hipsters. The things nightmares have nightmares about."

Maybe it wasn't exactly smart to name my profile using a band I'm no longer in.