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#1
I heard this on entourage: 'Telling [your significant other] that you've cheated is just a selfish way to get rid of your guilt. If you want the relationship to last, you should keep it quiet.'

By this I think they mean that the act in itself is wrong, but once you've done it, and you want to stay with the girl/guy you're better off not telling.

Thoughts? Opinions?
#2
I suppose either way it doesn't mater. You clearly don't give a damn about the person, nor should you.
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#3
Pretty sure that was a joke.

Also, what's with all the selfish talk lately?
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#5
i don't have a problem with keeping it inside, but rationalizing it by saying the only reason you're not telling is because you don't want to hurt her is somewhat inaccurate. i doubt you take her thoughts into consideration that much if you slept with somebody behind their back.
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#6
I cheated once.........


Passed the exam with flying colours

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#7
Thank God that crap show's finally over.
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#8
Quote by slash_GNR666
I cheated once.......


Passed the exam with flying colours


I am guessing it wasn't a spelling test?
Quote by Gabel
You are EXTREMELY WRONG! I have played it. I own an 18W and it would be an awful stereo amp, it's way too bright, breaks up too easily and so on. Secondly, why would a guitar store sell an hifi amp.
#10
Quote by ripple07
I am guessing it wasn't a spelling test?


Trollolol
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#11
Quote by ripple07
I am guessing it wasn't a spelling test?

you can spell colors in different ways.

And you might as well tell them so the significant other can break up with your ass.
#12
American/British spelling difference right there, we do it that way in good ol' Canada too
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#13
Cheating does NOT mean you don't give a damn. What an ignorant thing to say.
I also disagree with the first post entirely.

Usually if you cheat it's in a moment of weakness, when you're lustful and there's someone around who is not your preferred lover (whoever you're cheating on) who happens to attract you. It doesn't mean you don't care, it has nothing to do with caring. It just means you lusted for someone else at that point in time. Sure, it's a bad thing to do, very bad, but the fact you're confessing either means you're really sorry or really sneaky.

I can get your point(s) but it's kind of rare that the person is so manipulative that they would confess to get rid of guilt. It's usually more like, they want to go ahead and admit what they've done because they're sorry about it. They want to explain the situation because they still love them (or I guess because they're just that manipulative).

What you guys are saying is true, but only in a very small amount of people. Most people who admit they cheated are truly sorry. The quote in the first post is very one-dimensional, and while some people might think like that most don't.

It's true that if you want to stay with the person you're better off not telling, but if there's the chance they could find out and get the wrong idea (which they probably will anyway) you will want to explain your actual reasons so you at least have a chance of sticking with them. It does not mean confessing is selfish, in fact it means the opposite. Isn't that quite obvious?

Quote by laid-to-waste
i don't have a problem with keeping it inside, but rationalizing it by saying the only reason you're not telling is because you don't want to hurt her is somewhat inaccurate. i doubt you take her thoughts into consideration that much if you slept with somebody behind their back.

I'm not singling you out in specific, I swear. But I disagree with the last line of your post. I've been through this whole thing before and I can tell you that cheating has nothing to do with how much you love or care about your significant other.

Of course it depends on the person, and some people really are just heartless bastards who don't care.
Last edited by bloodshed344 at Sep 22, 2011,
#14
Quote by HelloDoggy
you can spell colors in different ways.

And you might as well tell them so the significant other can break up with your ass.



Ignore him. He's just another bored, dumbass troll.
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#15
Quote by ripple07
I am guessing it wasn't a spelling test?


British spelling FTW!
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




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#16
Quote by Cskills2112
American/British spelling difference right there, we do it that way in good ol' Canada too

Canada is one of my favourite countries.

I have never cheated, probably because I have some dis-figurations that prevent most females from being attracted to me.
Quote by Gabel
You are EXTREMELY WRONG! I have played it. I own an 18W and it would be an awful stereo amp, it's way too bright, breaks up too easily and so on. Secondly, why would a guitar store sell an hifi amp.
#17
Cheating does NOT mean you don't give a damn.


don't give a damn or are a spineless person of low moral.what's the difference really?
#18
Quote by Lulzcifer
don't give a damn or are a spineless person of low moral.what's the difference really?

Neither, it means you lusted. Read the rest of the post. Just because you cheated does not mean you are spineless or have low morals (that last one is obviously debatable). If you are telling them it is either because you care AND actually do have morals or because you know they will find out and want to explain yourself so you can stay with them. Unless you're a sociopath it means you actually do love them and want to stay with them (not cheating, telling them you cheated).

Often times it is a mix of both of these reasons, but it still does not mean you don't care. You might have low morals sure, but it doesn't mean you don't care.

and there's no difference in effects, just in reasoning. That matters a lot.
#19
Quote by bloodshed344
Neither, it means you lusted. Read the rest of the post. Just because you cheated does not mean you are spineless or have low morals (that last one is obviously debatable). If you are telling them it is either because you care AND actually do have morals or because you know they will find out and want to explain yourself so you can stay with them. Unless you're a sociopath it means you actually do love them and want to stay with them (not cheating, telling them you cheated).

Often times it is a mix of both of these reasons, but it still does not mean you don't care. You might have low morals sure, but it doesn't mean you don't care.
and there's no difference in effects, just in reasoning. That matters a lot.



I think that's pretty true and sometimes some people just f**k up, it's human nature! There's many ususally many reasons why this kind of thing can happen and the older you get the more you realise this. I'm not saying I agree with it, but life can be pretty complicated at times and emotions can become distorted.
#20
Quote by bloodshed344
Cheating does NOT mean you don't give a damn. What an ignorant thing to say.
I also disagree with the first post entirely.

Holy frikking flying shit. Yes sir, you have aaaaaaaaall the knowledge in the world. NOT! You obviously have no idea and we have no idea about the true nature of cheating. So please stop acting like you do.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#21
Quote by halo43
Relationships center on trust.

Cheating breaks that trust.

Keeping it quiet destroys it.

Besides, if you truly cared about your relationship in the first place, you wouldn't cheat.



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#22
It's easy to say "if you truly cared you wouldn't cheat" but I don't think it's as black and white as that. It's easy to make a mistake. In a good relationship you can get over it. It's easier to do that if you're honest and come clean about it.
#23
Quote by halo43
Relationships center on trust.

Cheating breaks that trust.

Keeping it quiet destroys it.

Besides, if you truly cared about your relationship in the first place, you wouldn't cheat.


I never really know what to make of this.
#25
Quote by smokeysteve22
I never really know what to make of this.


The expected revenue of cheating: (the utility of the extra sex - the negative utility of a crying girlfriend ) the chance of being caught. + the chance of not being caught * the utility of your relationship.

The expected revenue of not cheating: the utility you get from your relationship.
Everything discounted obviously.

Cheating means that you either rate the chance on being caught not high enough or that you do not value your current relationship enough.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#26
I don't think it's selfish to be honest to your partner if you have cheated. It is kind of the right thing to do to come clean. I can understand cheating, but it's a pretty selfish thing to do in the first place.
#27
Quote by Tentonics
I don't think it's selfish to be honest to your partner if you have cheated. It is kind of the right thing to do to come clean. I can understand cheating, but it's a pretty selfish thing to do in the first place.


#DTWD
#28
Quote by Neo Evil11
The expected revenue of cheating: (the utility of the extra sex - the negative utility of a crying girlfriend ) the chance of being caught. + the chance of not being caught * the utility of your relationship.

The expected revenue of not cheating: the utility you get from your relationship.
Everything discounted obviously.

Cheating means that you either rate the chance on being caught not high enough or that you do not value your current relationship enough.


I disagree.

Theres many situations where cheating happens not based on them not giving a damn or not valuing their relationship enough.

Sure alot of people do cheat because they don't care/because they can.
#29
Quote by halo43
Relationships center on trust.

Cheating breaks that trust.

Keeping it quiet destroys it.

Besides, if you truly cared about your relationship in the first place, you wouldn't cheat.

This. /thread

Cheating's a dick move, bro.
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#30
Cheating is for losers who don't know how to play the game.

That's why there are so many singles who don't end up getting together.

They suck at it.
#31
I really don't think cheating is all that bad. I think the concept of sexual ownership of another person is outdated.
#32
Quote by smokeysteve22
I disagree.

Theres many situations where cheating happens not based on them not giving a damn or not valuing their relationship enough.

Sure alot of people do cheat because they don't care/because they can.


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Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#33
Quote by ripple07
I am guessing it wasn't a spelling test?

Colours is spelt that way. Stupid yank
You are part of the rebel alliance, and a traitor.

#34
Quote by primusfan


It's an awful thing to do don't get me wrong, but i'm not thinking of cases like your average 17 year old playing about. I'm thinking about unhappy married couples who do something they regret.
#35
Quote by ripple07
Canada is one of my favourite countries.

I have never cheated, probably because I have some dis-figurations that prevent most females from being attracted to me.

BUSTED
#36
Honesty is the most important quality to have in a relationship. You really shouldn't keep secrets from each other.
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#37
halo and bloodshed are talking sense, but the reason it's selfish to confess is a large part of confessing is you wanting to feel better by unloading the guilt. But to the other person, it's just going to (probably) destroy the relationship. They don't benefit by knowing at all, and they're not going to feel better that you told them.

Not saying I condone cheating or not confessing. Don't do it in the first place. But that there's the reasoning.
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#38
Quote by bloodshed344
Neither, it means you lusted. Read the rest of the post. Just because you cheated does not mean you are spineless or have low morals (that last one is obviously debatable). If you are telling them it is either because you care AND actually do have morals or because you know they will find out and want to explain yourself so you can stay with them. Unless you're a sociopath it means you actually do love them and want to stay with them (not cheating, telling them you cheated).

Often times it is a mix of both of these reasons, but it still does not mean you don't care. You might have low morals sure, but it doesn't mean you don't care.

and there's no difference in effects, just in reasoning. That matters a lot.

I believe if you truly care about your significant other you should have the self-control to stop yourself in moments of lust, or you would avoid situations that would lead to them. You know exactly what you are doing when you cheat, and the feelings of your significant other are bound to cross your mind. If you then make the conscious decision to follow through with it, then you are disregarding your relationship, and must not care enough about it to stop yourself. And if you really can't stop yourself in moments of lust then you are very close to being a rapist.

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#39
Quote by Neo Evil11
At least I have a model to support my theory. Where's your model? Ow wait you are just guessing!

You amuse me.


Cheating is bad regardless, but I don't see it as a black and white subject because only an ignorant person would view it that way.

It doesn't mean you don't care necessarily, although it does point to that in most cases, but it does point to a myriad of mistakes. Some people will be in a situation where someone is tempting them. If the temptation is too great that's one mistakes. If their relationship is in a rocky part, it's their mistake for not ending it for working through it. For example, my last girlfriend was a very nice girl. I cared about her very deeply and would never cheat on her. But at one point, she ceased to provide any sexual satisfaction and was angry with me all the time. She later admitted that she was being unreasonable with most of it of course. But say I was experiencing a lot of sexual tension and some girl tempted me. I would never do that, and it would be completely wrong to but it wouldn't immediately mean I didn't care about my girlfriend. I would have let my urges get the better of me, and feel horrible afterward. Probably never able to look at either of them ever again.

It's ignorant and foolish to make anything black and white though.


EDIT:Anyone who's been in a long relationship knows that sometimes you're just pissed at each other. Anyone who does that as revenge or whatever is abhorrent but people do crazy shit when they're pissed off and horny.
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Last edited by BladeSlinger at Sep 22, 2011,
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