#1
This is lyrics that I wrote for my old band 2 years ago, our first real heavy song.
When I wrote this song, the whole Catholic thing was going on and I just wrote what I felt at the time and turned out to be our best song both technically and emotional.
C4C folks, Enjoy!


Left to buy a new religion
Depression's the best sales pitch
Look for another god to love
Or keep living in this hell
Should I keep living this way?
Ask god, am I worth the pain?
Keep this blood to show I live
Never play this game again

Torn and f****d dead
Paint the white walls red
Keep screaming on the inside
But only silence comes out
Save society
Kill the people
Is it all for us?
Or none for me?

My faith is weak
But god's not dead
I still find redemption
Faith's still the same!
No excuses for lies
Sin is freedoms best
God's still alive
But faith is dead!

Belief and another child to destruct
The catholic priest is god
Forgive your sins then pray
Then take everything away
The people didn't want to believe.
The priest was meant to deceive
Money keeps the world’s faith
Never question the lie they sold you

And I’m the disgrace?
Do I have to act like everything’s the same?
I knew god and god knows me
Forgive me for the things I've been
As the sound of trumpets reign
Everyone’s attention will raise to the heaven's
And that moment we will all know who believes
And who's faith is dead.

My faith is weak
But god's not dead
I still find redemption
Faith's still the same!
No excuses for lies
Sin is freedoms best
God's still alive
But faith is dead!

Faith... keep living the good life
Faith... nobody's same lie
Faith... take god for granted
Faith... blame the passion
#2
If people like it when your band plays out, I'm happy for you. To me, the lyrics seem like a bunch of disconnected statements on the same theme that don't add up to much.

peace
Nothing to see here. Move along.
#3
Quote by *Thundernation*
This is lyrics that I wrote for my old band 2 years ago, our first real heavy song.
When I wrote this song, the whole Catholic thing was going on and I just wrote what I felt at the time and turned out to be our best song both technically and emotional.
C4C folks, Enjoy!


Left to buy a new religion
Depression's the best sales pitch
Look for another god to love
Or keep living in this hell
Should I keep living this way?
Ask god, am I worth the pain?
Keep this blood to show I live
Never play this game again
I feel you could get rid of everything save the first two lines. They are clever and definitely something you could work off of.
Torn and f****d dead
Paint the white walls red
Keep screaming on the inside
But only silence comes out
Save society
Kill the people
Is it all for us?
Or none for me?
Besides the last three lines the rest doesn't even make sense when read. Your saying too much and nothing at all. I understand though, when i first started writing this was what was said of my work as well.
My faith is weak
But god's not dead
I still find redemption
Faith's still the same!
No excuses for lies
Sin is freedoms best
God's still alive
But faith is dead!

Belief and another child to destruct
The catholic priest is god
Forgive your sins then pray
Then take everything away
The people didn't want to believe.
The priest was meant to deceive
Money keeps the world’s faith
Never question the lie they sold you

And I’m the disgrace?
Do I have to act like everything’s the same?
I knew god and god knows me
Forgive me for the things I've been
As the sound of trumpets reign
Everyone’s attention will raise to the heaven's
And that moment we will all know who believes
And who's faith is dead.

My faith is weak
But god's not dead
I still find redemption
Faith's still the same!
No excuses for lies
Sin is freedoms best
God's still alive
But faith is dead!

Faith... keep living the good life
Faith... nobody's same lie
Faith... take god for granted
Faith... blame the passion


I get what the above critique mentioned. You lack any type of imagery that would draw the reader in. Without music, this one falls flat. However, I like the message you are giving and some of the ways that you submit it. If I was you and you wanted to rewrite this song for a new piece, I would parody your relationship with God to a priest's or something like that. Make it clear what you are trying to say and then use imagery to say it.

C4C brudda.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28195633#post28195633