So yeah, this is a long shot. In fact, I'm kind of drunk and stoned right now.. Just wrote these lyrics about my friends girlfriend I saw in a club..

The last line of each "verse" is repeated, almost resembling a chorus - or at least a hook for the listener to relate to. Hope you like it.


You've got your hands all over
them, but you're not gonna get me under
the table (remember, this is repeated..)

Oh, well my one's not far
away, n so I'm not gonna fall
for your tales

You seem to like to play
the fool but you don't have a clue
you're unreal

He's standing with his mouth wide open,
But you're tryna pull the blindfold over.
So concealed.


That's all I've come up with. I'm kinda angry at her, as it may seem. And the 'tryna' in the last part means trying to, just for anyone who doesn't understand.

Any comments would be great, hope you're all having a better day than I am!
I would suggest not repeating the lines at the end of the stanza. Otherwise, it could be pretty decent... I dunno. Aggro prog? Like Porcupine Tree in loud mode.

Nothing to see here. Move along.
Hmm, I take the comment on board, but for me, the last line of each stanza is kind of representative of a chorus.

In terms of genre, I usually play acoustic and then record some electric fills over the top. Thanks for the feedback though!