#1
I've dreamt of
Mountains and streams
Cascades of light
Surrounding me

Lost in crowds of
No on but me
Too frightened
To leave

Shadows cast by
Glassy trees
Reflections warped
To deceive

It could have all
Crumbled to the earth
It would have been
No more than I deserve

The heavens roared
The orchestras played
I still wonder if
I could have stayed

Colours danced
Before my eyes
To disperse, reveal
A world void of life

Those angels how they laugh
How they sing
Voices only heard by the
Grace of the wind

Come with me
Come with me back to my place
Don't hold your head
Don't hide your face

We can all go back
We can all go back, I swear
Oh I could never
Leave you here

Come with me now
Take my hand
Do not fear those
Who won't understand

Your desolate love
So much purer than those tamed
There is no other place
We can remain
I want to read your essays and blogs of the artistic nature!


Art evokes the mystery without which the world would not exist.

- Rene Magritte
#2
Quote by mike_anderson25
I've dreamt of
Mountains and streams
Cascades of light
Surrounding me

Lost in crowds of
No on but me
Too frightened
To leave
Good until "too frightened to leave" this line doesn't add anything for me
Shadows cast by
Glassy trees
Reflections warped
To deceive

It could have all
Crumbled to the earth
It would have been
No more than I deserve

The heavens roared
The orchestras played
I still wonder if
I could have stayed

Colours danced
Before my eyes
To disperse, reveal
A world void of life
Your forcing rhymes for rhymings sake. If they dont come then you write a piece without it. I feel this has much promise if you rework it
Those angels how they laugh
How they sing
Voices only heard by the
Grace of the wind

Come with me
Come with me back to my place
Don't hold your head
Don't hide your face

We can all go back
We can all go back, I swear
Oh I could never
Leave you here

Come with me now
Take my hand
Do not fear those
Who won't understand

Your desolate love
So much purer than those tamed
There is no other place
We can remain


This feels less like a complete work as it does a collection of thoughts separated by carriage returns. Try adjusting your meter throughout to keep it from being boring. Its a good start gent, but it needs work yet.

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28195633#post28195633