bingeandletgo
Bañned
Join date: Oct 2007
3,620 IQ
#1
Song title was just the first thing that came to mind when I wrote it. My main questions are:

How can I spice up the verse? It seems a little boring to me.

Do you think the chorus is a little boring, too?

Do you like the key change?


Please ignore the tenor voice. I was lazily playing with some melody ideas.
Attachments:
What You Are.gp5
What You Are.gpx
Quote by blackflag49
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dylann
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2008
306 IQ
#2
all im going to say is the vocals were catchy
guitar_jew
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2009
974 IQ
#3
It's really hard to give this a fair crit without drums.

Unfortunately, having tried the demo version of gp6, it doesn't appear that the method those of us still in gp5 use works in the new version. You should look up on the help section how to write drums in gp6, because it really does make it hard to critique without.
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#4
I really liked the whole thing, the chorus had a really great feeling to it, you really have to finish those vocals, they're awesome!
bingeandletgo
Bañned
Join date: Oct 2007
3,620 IQ
#5
Quote by guitar_jew
It's really hard to give this a fair crit without drums.

Unfortunately, having tried the demo version of gp6, it doesn't appear that the method those of us still in gp5 use works in the new version. You should look up on the help section how to write drums in gp6, because it really does make it hard to critique without.


Will do. It may take some time though. Although I may just actually record first.

Thanks guys for the vocal compliments!
Quote by blackflag49
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Joshua1207
Hipster Jesus
Join date: Mar 2009
1,804 IQ
#6
While I liked the verse for the most part, I really recommend changing the progression of the overdrive guitar a bit. It just doesn't fit well, not enough change maybe. I also recommend changing up the verses a bit, maybe add some vocals on one of them or something. I did enjoy the vocals quite a bit.
The song is kind of boring for the most part, so maybe adding some more vocals would help with that. Also, I'm not sure if its your fault or because of when you exported it to GP5, but some parts were especially really quiet and you could barely hear anything, so yeah.
Also, the ending is kind of abrupt too.

Not a bad song though, just need to work on a couple things.
bingeandletgo
Bañned
Join date: Oct 2007
3,620 IQ
#7
Quote by Joshua1207
While I liked the verse for the most part, I really recommend changing the progression of the overdrive guitar a bit. It just doesn't fit well, not enough change maybe. I also recommend changing up the verses a bit, maybe add some vocals on one of them or something. I did enjoy the vocals quite a bit.
The song is kind of boring for the most part, so maybe adding some more vocals would help with that. Also, I'm not sure if its your fault or because of when you exported it to GP5, but some parts were especially really quiet and you could barely hear anything, so yeah.
Also, the ending is kind of abrupt too.

Not a bad song though, just need to work on a couple things.


What do you mean about the progression of the overdriven guitar? The chord progression? At what part?
Quote by blackflag49
Condoms, for all the copious amounts of pussy with which you will be inevitably bombarded from this moment onward.


MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
1,119 IQ
#9
man i loved this from the first chords , nice mellow build up , really reminded me of Volbeat.

then the distortion comes in and it adds some nice dynamics to it.
i liked the bridge aswell allthough it was cinda quiet in the gpx version.

allthough i really liked what you had it didnt really build up to anything , i think you should add some drums when you repeat the same thing to add some flavor and maybe some keys aswell

o and you had the volume on the vocals turned down in the gpx version btw.

other than that it was good !

can you any of the songs in my sig ? preferably one with gpx
Last edited by MobiuZ at Sep 26, 2011,
bingeandletgo
Bañned
Join date: Oct 2007
3,620 IQ
#10
Thanks! Yeah, the drums are an extremely important part of the dynamics of this song, and is pretty key to the build-up factor. The vocals were down because it wasn't important; those were just small ideas I jotted down.
Quote by blackflag49
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MetaIronForce
ULTIMATE-DISNEY
Join date: Oct 2009
904 IQ
#11
Here's a suggestion for livening up the verse. its the electric guitar:
     H.           Q       H.           E  E     H.           Q     
E||--0------------0----|--0------------L--0--|--0------------0----|
B||--0------------0----|--0------------L--0--|--0------------0----|
G||--1------------2----|--1------------L--4--|--2------------2----|
D||--2------------2----|--2------------L--4--|--2------------4----|
A||--2------------2----|--2------------L--2--|--0------------0----|
E||--------------------|---------------------|--------------------|


  H.           E  E    
--0------------L--0--||
--0------------L--0--||
--2------------L--4--||
--2------------L--4--||
--0------------L--2--||
---------------------||


I added variations between each chord, and changed the second chord you used into an A Sus 2

Other than that it was great, but it does need drums. I especially liked the electric guitar riff into the chorus
Musical Theatre! *jazz hands*


...what am I doing on this site...
STONESHAKER
UG Fanatic
Join date: Jun 2010
754 IQ
#12
What's up man.

The intro build-up is good, reminds me of Mineral a little bit. However, I would make the bass a little bit more active once the "verse" repeats a few times. The guitar isn't very dynamic, which leaves an opening for some cool bass melodies that would serve to lead up to the break in the chorus.

The chorus riff itself is cool, it resolves nicely and is not used too gratuitously. The vocal part over the chorus fits well. The transition into the bridge isn't bad, although if you wrote some drums you could facilitate that transition a little better.

I feel like the more drawn out bit at the end of the song where you are hanging on your chords a little longer definitely needs some drums to be interesting, but the part the song ends on is very cool, would have liked to see more of those kind of sounds throughout the song.

Overall, I liked it, although I think if you worked on the bass and the drums a bit it would make the song that much better.

C4C? Links are in my sig, whichever one works for me. Vacuum is atmospheric post rock, Cruise Control is more progressive rock, and Inertia is a little more metal than the other two.
bingeandletgo
Bañned
Join date: Oct 2007
3,620 IQ
#13
^
^^ Thanks to both of you! I will use those variations next band practice and try them out. I'll also try to experiment with the bass and try to make it more interesting. All of the drums are figured out, albeit in our drummers head. When I record, they'll be there.
Quote by blackflag49
Condoms, for all the copious amounts of pussy with which you will be inevitably bombarded from this moment onward.