#1
Don't know whether I should post this here, but I don't know where else to do it, and I really need some help at this point.

I am a bit of an awkward person, and very complexed.

For the past few years, I've been trying to better myself constantly, seeking out what's wrong, what I'm doing wrong, and though I've gotten a bit better, there aren't enough results.

I have friends, and a lot of people like me, but all these complexes and issues make everyday life harder.

Clothes shopping destroys me, I'm constantly paranoid, sometimes I don't like to be seen out. Eating at a restaurant is sometimes hell, as if all eyes are on me and disapproving. Though not always.

I feel as if everything I do, I do it wrong..as if I've been taught wrong, I shouldn't be doing it, not me.
And it's f*cking annoying.

I need external help, 'cause I've helped myself a bit, but not enought, and I'm convinced that with the right help, and determination, it's a thing that can be broken out of.

So does anyone have any experience with this, who can help..or are there any articles or web pages with advice?
Please, any help is appreciated.

TL;DR. I'm a bit complexed and awkward, and I would appreciate some help to change.
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise
#2
You have a mild case of Aspergers.

I do, same story as yours.

Get a good girlfriend, let her help you whenever she offers to.

I don't have one though...
#3
Quote by Lord_Doku
You have a mild case of Aspergers.

I do, same story as yours.

Get a good girlfriend, let her help you whenever she offers to.

I don't have one though...

Bit of a catch 22 sadly.

I need confidence, happiness in self to find a girlfriend, and I need a girlfriend to find all of the above.

And how the hell did this happen? It's not as if I'm a hated person who's constantly picked on etc..
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise
#4
Go to a professional. I'm not trying to be a dick but this is what you should do. Seek out those who are trained and capable to help you.
Last edited by conor-figgy at Sep 25, 2011,
#5
Quote by conor-figgy
Go to a professional.

This.

Getting a girlfriend to be your mommy and your emotional crutch isn't the answer.
Hi, I'm Peter
#6
Actualy... It's lupus...


Seriously though, go out with your friends till you feel comfortable in public or wear headphones if you're out on your own.
Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#7
Quote by Krieger91
Bit of a catch 22 sadly.

I need confidence, happiness in self to find a girlfriend, and I need a girlfriend to find all of the above.

And how did this happen, it's not as if I'm a hated person who's constantly picked on etc..


Confidence is ignorance really. As long as you keep thinking, you will worry. As long as you worry, you will pity. And that 'destroys your confidence'.

Just take a beer, relax, stop thinking and just go for it. Don't think about what people might think about you. They will have to take you for who you are.

And as for how it happened, I can't tell. It might be your thought pattern, it might be a lack of fun times in your life, it could be anything really.
#8
Quote by Dirk Gently
This.

Getting a girlfriend to be your mommy and your emotional crutch isn't the answer.


Agreed.
#9
If you're still in education, see what kind of counselling services your institution has.
Quote by Lord_Doku
You have a mild case of Aspergers.

I do, same story as yours.

Get a good girlfriend, let her help you whenever she offers to.

I don't have one though...

There's nothing distinctly autist about the OP
Last edited by Craigo at Sep 25, 2011,
#10
Quote by Craigo
There's nothing distinctly autist about the OP


There's a difference between classical autism and Aspergers syndrome.

People with just Aspergers for example, are not retarded. Hell, they usually end up with high-end jobs and a good income.

Unfortunately, the media doesn't tell you everything there is, as usual.
#11
Quote by Craigo
There's nothing distinctly autist about the OP

If you're still in education, see what kind of counselling services your institution has.

The symptomatic spectrum of Asperger's seems to include social anxiety, but also OCD-like "restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, and activities," according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition. Sounds more like just social anxiety. He doesn't sound paranoid schizophrenic because he realizes that his feelings of people staring at him, etc., are just manifestations of his own insecurity.
Hi, I'm Peter
Last edited by Dirk Gently at Sep 25, 2011,
#12
Quote by Lord_Doku
There's a difference between classical autism and Aspergers syndrome.

It's a complicated matter with controversies in it.
People with just Aspergers for example, are not retarded. Hell, they usually end up with high-end jobs and a good income.

Unfortunately, the media doesn't tell you everything there is, as usual.

I understand autism (as in, the general spectrum/however you want to model it). But there was nothing in the original post which distinctly indicated autism, and I'd advise you not to be so liberal in making grand statements like that on little information.
#13
I have Aspergers, I recognize pretty much everything in the OP as what I'm experiencing myself. How could it be wrong for me to assume that he's got it too ?
#14
His described situations seem like 300.23 Social Phobia, almost to a "T."

According to the DSM-IV:

"In feared social or performance situations, individuals with Social Phobia experience concerns about embarrassment and are afraid that others with judge them to be anxious, weak, 'crazy,' or stupid.

[...]

"Adults with Social Phobia recognize that the fear is excessive or unreasonable..."
Hi, I'm Peter
#15
Quote by Dirk Gently
The symptomatic spectrum of Asperger's seems to include social anxiety, but also OCD-like "restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, and activities," according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition. Sounds more like just social anxiety. He doesn't sound paranoid schizophrenic because he realizes that his feelings of people staring at him, etc., are just manifestations of his own insecurity.

Social anxiety may manifest for many reasons. It might just be anxiety, as you've said.

I definitely wouldn't compare people with asperger's to having OCD though. 'Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interest and activities' when phrased that way may sound OCD-like, but the types of phenomena which they are describing are actually distinctly and qualitatively different from OCD. In fact, I'd say that that's a bad way of phrasing it.
Last edited by Craigo at Sep 25, 2011,
#16
Quote by Dirk Gently
His described situations seem like 300.23 Social Phobia, almost to a "T."

According to the DSM-IV:

"In feared social or performance situations, individuals with Social Phobia experience concerns about embarrassment and are afraid that others with judge them to be anxious, weak, 'crazy,' or stupid.

[...]

"Adults with Social Phobia recognize that the fear is excessive or unreasonable..."


Not to make this all about me, but I feel the same way, and I do recognize that it's not realistic to fear such trivial things as shopping for clothes, or going out, whether alone or with friends.

Maybe it's just me, but either he's got what I've got, or I don't have it at all.

Awkward discussion lol.
#17
Quote by Lord_Doku
I have Aspergers, I recognize pretty much everything in the OP as what I'm experiencing myself. How could it be wrong for me to assume that he's got it too ?

Problematic anxiety can be felt by those who are usually okay day to day, those with depression, those with social anxiety, or those with more general anxiety issues. The list goes on. There's no reason to jump dramatically to the conclusion you did.
#18
Quote by Craigo
It's a complicated matter with controversies in it.

I understand autism (as in, the general spectrum/however you want to model it). But there was nothing in the original post which distinctly indicated autism, and I'd advise you not to be so liberal in making grand statements like that on little information.


Holla this.

TS, if it's not too far/difficult, you could call your doctor and arrange to talk to them and they will definitely be able to point you in the right direction for help. Good luck mate.
#19
Quote by Craigo
I definitely wouldn't compare people with asperger's to having OCD.

I'm not arguing that the two are congruent in result or severity, just pointing out that Asperger's, in and of itself, is more than just having social phobia. "Repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, activities are present...These interests and activities are pursued with great intensity often to the exclusion of other activities." The OP doesn't seem to have that.
Hi, I'm Peter
Last edited by Dirk Gently at Sep 25, 2011,
#20
Quote by Lord_Doku
Not to make this all about me, but I feel the same way, and I do recognize that it's not realistic to fear such trivial things as shopping for clothes, or going out, whether alone or with friends.

Maybe it's just me, but either he's got what I've got, or I don't have it at all.

Awkward discussion lol.

How long ago were you diagnosed with Asperger's? Was it at a relatively young age?

I practice disability law. My job is reading medical files. Lots of them. About all types of cases. I'm not a doctor by any means (nor am I The Doctor, for point of clarification), but I do notice trends in what I see. One of those trends is that the field of mental health is such a subjective thing that you could get two completely different diagnosis for the same set of symptoms out of two different mental health professionals. Also, there are "trends" in MH diagnoses; for example, a dx of "bipolar disorder" or "personality disorder" is becoming much more common, as are diagnoses of different degrees of austism or autistic disorders among children.
Hi, I'm Peter
Last edited by Dirk Gently at Sep 25, 2011,
#21
Quote by Dirk Gently
I'm not arguing that the two are congruent in result or severity, just pointing out that Asperger's, in and of itself, is more than just having social phobia. "Repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, activities are present...These interests and activities are pursued with great intensity often to the exclusion of other activities."

I edited my post. It's off topic, aye, but yeah. (I'd also call that quote a pretty bad description too.)

EDIT to yer EDIT: You've just made a conclusion on little information.
#22
Quote by Craigo
I edited my post. It's off topic, aye, but yeah. (I'd also call that quote a pretty bad description too.)

Don't blame the messenger. The DSM is the official publication of the American Psychiatric Association regarding diagnostic criteria of mental disorders. I'm just copying directly what it says.
EDIT to yer EDIT: You've just made a conclusion on little information.

Very true. I'm just the type of person who likes to figure things out, mostly because I'm reclusive and I engage in patterns of behavior at the exclusion...OH NO!!!!
Hi, I'm Peter
#24
Diagnosing stuff over the internet isn't really a good idea i know, but you sound like you have issues similar to me and i'm diagnosed with 'social phobia'/'social anxiety'. It's in the DSM, so of course it's the subject of debate etc, but it might be a good idea to see a doctor/counsellor.
#25
(This is getting silly.)
Quote by Dirk Gently
Don't blame the messenger. The DSM is the official publication of the American Psychiatric Association regarding diagnostic criteria of mental disorders. I'm just copying directly what it says.

I was moaning at you describing 'OCD like' qualities. I assume I'm quoting you, and not quoting you quoting the American Psychiatric Association.

Regardless, rah.
#26
Quote by Craigo
(This is getting silly.)

You're in a place called "The Pit" on a guitar forum discussing mental disorders. Just sayin'. Can't take any of this shit too seriously...or seriously at all.

I was moaning at you describing 'OCD like' qualities. I assume I'm quoting you, and not quoting you quoting the American Psychiatric Association.

Fair enough. I will admit I was painting with too broad a brush.
Hi, I'm Peter
Last edited by Dirk Gently at Sep 25, 2011,
#27
Quote by Krieger91
Bit of a catch 22 sadly.

I need confidence, happiness in self to find a girlfriend, and I need a girlfriend to find all of the above.

And how the hell did this happen? It's not as if I'm a hated person who's constantly picked on etc..


It's just the way your brain works, if indeed there is actually anything 'wrong' as such.

What I advise you do:

- Talk to your friends/family etc about it. If nothing else, just so they are aware.
- Make an appointment with your doctor. He/she will be able to at least advise you what to do and /or most probably refer you to a specialist.
#28
ITT; people diagnosing themselves with Asperger's syndrome.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#29
Asperger's is such an overblown diagnosis today. It seems like anyone who has some difficulty in social settings is automatically labelled as mildly autistic. Social skills are a set of skills and can be learnt like any other. Stop labelling and stigmatizing; start accepting and supporting.

TS check your PMs for links that I found helpful (especially the first 2).
#30
Quote by Lord_Doku
There's a difference between classical autism and Aspergers syndrome.

People with just Aspergers for example, are not retarded. Hell, they usually end up with high-end jobs and a good income.

Unfortunately, the media doesn't tell you everything there is, as usual.


People with classic autism are not retarded. They usually have average IQs.
http://www.wimp.com/autisticgirl/
#31
you need serious help, you nutjob.
THE SOLE PURPOSE OF THIS SIG IS TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS POST OF UTTER GENIUS
#32
Everyone, I truly appreciate the help.

I posted this thread to vent out a bit, and hopefully seek advice, 'cause I intend to stop this for my own happiness, and I guess doing it all by myself got a bit heavy and demotivating.

But I sort of expected a few smart ass pit answers

So thanks a millon for showing interest and helping out guys, and thank to everyone for the PMs, it's truly appreciated!
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise