#1
Hey guys, I'm fairly new to writing lyrics so I decided to give it a shot. Let me know what you think of it

Darkness carries me into the void
As I'm swept from beneath me
God, I can't take this noise
The noise that's kept me silent
You shattered the last of my being
While you pretend to be blind
Oh I still remain all seeing
To the torture that's ripped up my

Stop, again
Prove to me that I'm not insane
Take, my world
And throw it all away
Hate, inside
Is breaking out
Just to find your soul
And bring it to an end

I wake to a world of violence
While my dignity's stripped from me
I tried to fight it, light it
And send the day away
Destruction of pure emotion
Is torn from you
The violent silence awaits me
And I'm put through

My soul, my heart, my mind
Can't this pain ever

Stop, again
Prove to me that I'm not insane
Take, my world
And throw it all away
Hate, inside
Is breaking out
Just to find your soul
And bring it to an end

Your soul is mine
Your soul is mine (Yes it's mine)

Stop me from falling apart
#2
Quote by DeadEndRoad95
Hey guys, I'm fairly new to writing lyrics so I decided to give it a shot. Let me know what you think of it

Darkness carries me into the void
As I'm swept from beneath me
God, I can't take this noise
The noise that's kept me silent
You shattered the last of my being
While you pretend to be blind
Oh I still remain all seeing
To the torture that's ripped up my
First two lines are interesting. Third and 4th are weak. Overall, you need to show me more of what you are experiencing. Right now, I'm not drawn in.
Stop, again
Prove to me that I'm not insane
Take, my world
And throw it all away
Hate, inside
Is breaking out
Just to find your soul
And bring it to an end
I like your meter here, though I'd like to see it varied on the "hate, inside" line. It works well for two rounds and when you do it a 3rd it just falls flat.
I wake to a world of violence
While my dignity's stripped from me
I tried to fight it, light it
And send the day away
Destruction of pure emotion
Is torn from you
The violent silence awaits me
And I'm put through
Seems like you had to write a second verse for a songs sake. It's not cohesive to me. Really think about what you wish to write and go from there.
My soul, my heart, my mind
Can't this pain ever

Stop, again
Prove to me that I'm not insane
Take, my world
And throw it all away
Hate, inside
Is breaking out
Just to find your soul
And bring it to an end

Your soul is mine
Your soul is mine (Yes it's mine)

Stop me from falling apart


Don't take my words above too harshly. For a beginning work its not bad at all. Work on bringing in the audience by using strong imagery and changing up your meter a bit.

I like this type of piece overall as I'm dark ambient leaning. I wish you the best of luck with the writing!

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1482486