#1
Some pending lyrics for a song by my band New Paradigm, check my profile to hear the instrumental song.
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(growled)
Hear now what we say, justice is poetic, just like the words we speak
You shall not dine with angels
The likes of you will find your way to the seventh circle; the flaming sand is where you lay, winds blowing endlessly, confusion for eternity
Come seek your true salvation

(clean)
Why do you speak with tongues of fire, I cannot understand your means
Tell me the truth and not this twisted story that you believe
I just gotta get out of this masquerade, away from the lies and deceit
Of those who claim everything must be as their parents told them to believe
Are these visions you see as genuine as you’re telling me they are?

(growled)
The well of giants is saved for sinners of the likes of you
Your words can never harm us though your blasphemy will guide you through
The pits of the inferno? Have you ever seen them with your own eyes?
Believing without seeing is what will bring us to eternal

(growled)
Light is not present within your
Heartless monsters are searching for
Truth lurks deep in the depths of my
Mind erased for ideas of a
False god

(clean)
Heresy is a matter of opinionated hatred towards a godless people
Masked by fear of mortality

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If you haven't already guessed, it deals with the idea of people pushing their religion down other people's throats. Some references to Dante's inferno in there, nice work anyone who got them (I didn't really hide them that well though).

Feedback would be awesome. remember that most of the stuff is growled/screamed.
#2
Quote by dream_theater24
Some pending lyrics for a song by my band New Paradigm, check my profile to hear the instrumental song.
-----------------------------------

(growled)
Hear now what we say, justice is poetic, just like the words we speak
You shall not dine with angels
The likes of you will find your way to the seventh circle; the flaming sand is where you lay, winds blowing endlessly, confusion for eternity
Come seek your true salvation
"Confusing for eternity" would keep my attention much better. Other than that I am a fan of this stanza
(clean)
Why do you speak with tongues of fire, I cannot understand your means
Tell me the truth and not this twisted story that you believe
I just gotta get out of this masquerade, away from the lies and deceit
Of those who claim everything must be as their parents told them to believe
Are these visions you see as genuine as you’re telling me they are?
Leaving off "that you believe" will give it a more tasteful meter for me. I really, really dislike the word Gotta in these lyrics as the rest of it seems much more mature. Overall, I don't like the tone your striking with this clean part. The growled lyrics are much stronger imo.
(growled)
The well of giants is saved for sinners of the likes of you
Your words can never harm us though your blasphemy will guide you through
The pits of the inferno? Have you ever seen them with your own eyes?
Believing without seeing is what will bring us to eternal

(growled)
Light is not present within your
Heartless monsters are searching for
Truth lurks deep in the depths of my
Mind erased for ideas of a
False god
Favorite part along with the cleans below.
(clean)
Heresy is a matter of opinionated hatred towards a godless people
Masked by fear of mortality

-----------------------------------

If you haven't already guessed, it deals with the idea of people pushing their religion down other people's throats. Some references to Dante's inferno in there, nice work anyone who got them (I didn't really hide them that well though).

Feedback would be awesome. remember that most of the stuff is growled/screamed.


I liked the piece overall, but you may wish to take another look at your clean section. It is by far the weakest part of the lyrics and brings it down. In this style of music, you really need to make sure the ideals of the song come through when you are singing because few will understand your growls (ask me how I know or click on the red part of my signature). Good work.

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1482486
#3
If you heard the "I just gotta get out of this masquerade" bit live, you might change your mind. It came from the old lyrics we had to this song before we scrapped them. That part sounded awesome, so I kept it in, since it fits with the them of the song. I'm going to revise the rest of the chorus however.