#1
So I take my driving test today and I'm rather nervous anyway to get rid of my anxiety?

inb4 trolls or anything else non-relevant
#2
I get my license on Thursday. You mad?

On a serious note:
Just convince yourself you can do it. Pump yourself up heaps. Don't go in thinking negative.
#5
I have pretty low self esteem. The day of my test i stood in my front yard jogging and jumping around on the spot getting all pumped. It worked bro.
#8
Fine, let me offer you something different..

You're gonna fail. Don't even start hoping you'll succeed because you wont.
Remember, they're watching your every move.. So don't forget about those red lights and drive through and get killed by an oncoming truck.
#11
Quote by Kilty Boxers
I will remember the red lights. Is the parking hard?


Parking is impossible.

You're gonna die.
#12
i'll give you the same advice i gave last time someone made this same thread.

Quote by theogonia777
first, dress appropriately. a World War I era RAF uniform is your best bet, but if you are unable to locate one, a tiger suit (preferably made with an authentic taxidermied Maltese Siberian tiger pelt) is acceptable. make sure you have at least something on your head (this will be important later). whatever you do, do not wear a horned Viking helmet. this would be historically inaccurate, and could therefore offend the instructor on the off chance that they are of Norse decent.

the morning of the test, you want to make sure you are in proper form. load up on as many stimulants as possible. caffeine, theobromine, nicotine, amphetamine, MDMA, cocaine, etc, are all good choices. don't eat or drink anything, or else you'll probably have to stop to pee or poop in the middle of the test, or else have to pee or poop and hold it and make that uncomfortable face the whole time. no alcohol or marijuana before the test. those will just slow you down.

while waiting at the DMV for the tester, be as loud and impatient as possible, as DMV customs dictate. keep in mind that all DMV workers are morons, but are unaware of it. they have the power to call security to come and throw you into the moat with the crocodiles, so do not upset them (too much). everyone else is fair game. do whatever it takes to get to the front of the line. the sooner you get out of there, the sooner you can start the test.

don't suck up to the tester. no one likes a kiss ass. instead, be sure to make off handed remarks about them whenever possible. if for whatever reason you feel possessed to compliment them, backhanded compliments are the only option. if the driving tester is a woman, she is less likely to be a good driver herself, and therefore your driving abilities will look that much better by default. also women testers are more likely to perform fellatio on you during the test.

drive as fast as you can drive without crashing. this shows that you are confident in your abilities to successfully succeed. if you come to a red light, you have two options: wait or run through it. both of these options are WRONG! avoid red lights at all cost. drive as fast as you can to get through that yellow light. again, driving fast shows confidence and not crashing at high speeds shows you've got mad skills. DO NOT race other drivers, even if you make eye contact. you will most likely lose. if you lose, you will look like a weenie. that makes you less likely to pass.

step on the brakes as little as possible. the brakes are for sissies. only break for large animals such as moose (elk), bison (wisent), or bears (bears). hitting one of these animals will likely kill you, and in the off chance that you get away, the animals family will come for revenge. brake for fireman and military veterans, but only because they deserve mad props for being cool guys and because they doesn't afraid of anything. brake for Frogger, because he just wants to get across the damn street already. other than that, use the brakes only as a last resort.

at the end of the test, your tester will most likely try to sex you up. don't refuse, no matter how unattractive they are. turning them down will hurt their feelings, and they already have low self esteem. this will result in them failing you. guaranteed.

if you followed my advice to the letter, than congratulations! you have just earned your driver's license! you will receive it in the mail within the next 4-6 months, or whenever the DMV workers finally manage to get it to you. it should eventually come, so be patient.

if you did not follow my advice, you will likely fail. you dumbass! why didn't you listen!? no matter, there is still hope. go in and wait in line again for 7 hours, at which point you will probably be redirected to a different line. this may happen 10 tens, maybe more. eventually, you will receive the necessary paperwork to request another test. after you spend another 4 or 5 hours filling this out, they will schedule another test in about a year and you can try again. maybe this time you will listen to my advice.

There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#13
^ AHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAh

Bookmarked for that post alone.
Last edited by vayne92 at Sep 27, 2011,
#14
Quote by WantsLesPaul
Booze and weed.

I would rather have a gun put to my head and the trigger pulled than do either of those.
#15
Just go to the grocery store and look for some stress-relievers. The extremely soft ones, of course.

Anyway, I f*cked up my first driving test, it's not a big deal. It happens to the best of us. I have a friend who drives insane cars around racing tracks for a living, he failed his test 3 times.
#16
i will never forget that theogonia777, I saw it in that thread and it made me laugh pretty hard.
#17
Good luck!

Usually when I'm nervous I have a drink but that's not an option, so I'd just try to stay calm. Maybe excercise beforehand?
#18
Oh Kilty, if past threads have taught us anything; it's that you should not be permitted to drive.
#19
Quote by Kilty Boxers
I would rather have a gun put to my head and the trigger pulled than do either of those.


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#20
@CorvetteRick: That made me smile. I was thinking about putting sand in the car. That will pass me right?
#23
Just drive slow and check your mirrors and surroundings like you're running from the cops, think Ray Liotta in Goodfellas.
#24
Think of it as just another driving lesson.

Oh and when the examiner suddenly yells "Turn left here!" at the intersection or something, then just tell him to stfu and keep going straight or whereever you were going. Trying to desperately get that turn will most likely make you hit the on coming truck, run over an old lady or tiny kitten or blow up your car.
#26
keep $100 bucks ready for the end of the test incase things dont go so well as planned. bribery works :P
#27
Over exaggerate when you check your mirrors to make sure they know for a fact you did check. Make sure you stop at the white line at stops signs and not after it and signal your turns well in advance. This is all assuming you're taking it in the U.S., I have no idea how it works in the U.K or anywhere else.
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#28
i have never seen that movie. Thanks for tips though I shall return with the results!
#29
Quote by theogonia777
i'll give you the same advice i gave last time someone made this same thread.






You've just become one of my favourite UG members.
#30
'nother tip: relax, don't think of it as something your life depends upon and you'll have way less stress. First time I did it, I was extremely nervous and I had a jerkwad examinator so I failed. Then I didn't drive for 6 months, started driving again 3 days before my test, took it very relaxed (I didn't even want a drivers' license by then), I had a better examinator and I passed...

It's a combination of the right driving instructor and not putting too much pressure on yourself
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#32
Quote by Kilty Boxers
Yeah so I failed in like 5 minutes. Did i break a record?


Bad luck. Shoulda taken our advice..

Also, i know a guy who failed instantly because he turned the engine on before putting on his seat belt. True story.
#33
Edit: just read read that you didn't pass. Sorry bro. You'll get 'em next time. Also, I knew a kid who failed because the refused start the car because the instructor wasn't in the car.

Just think about this, How many stupid people are there in the world? How many of them can legally drive a car? Are you so dumb that you can't get your driver's licence when there are so many stupid people that have a driver's license?
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Last edited by iplayat11 at Sep 27, 2011,
#35
Ive had a coupple of friends who took the driving test and their tester-people didnt even care. Like they made mistakes and the instructor just told them what to do.


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#36
Quote by Kilty Boxers
I have low self-esteem so that's near impossible for me to do.

so cheer up
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#37
Did they at least tell you what you did wrong?
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#38
Yea they did thanks for at least being nice everyone it's appreciated even if you are just pretending =D
#39
Passed both theory and practical test on first try without having to suck any genitalia... u jelly ******?