#1
C4C, as always.

It's been so long now
since I've held your wind
in my lungs,
since I've felt your landscapes
beneath me.

The regretfully distant paths
that my intergalactic space travels
have carried me from you,
the creeping pang of light-years.

I will always covet you,
my beginning, my home.

But your lush forests
and plentiful fruits
flinch at my foreign touch.
Your rivers and oceans are polluted
by my unfamiliar lips
as I taste your twisting currents.

Forgotten
amongst strange planets and stars,
I know you will never allow me to revisit
my beginning, my home,
leaving me to search
for a new one
alone.
#2
You and your space themed works....lolz....i like it....i am sleepy so i wont crit now...maybe tomorrow....it looks good on first read though.....
I haz gotten gud
#3
It's been so long now
since I've held your wind
in my lungs,
since I've felt your landscapes
beneath me.


very deep, long time ago in a foriegn world. maybe life there had abuence of resources, wealth, food, scent, or love one to think about. maybe support in the near furture when times are tough. good stanza here.

The regretfully distant paths
that my intergalactic space travels
have carried me from you,
the creeping pang of light-years.


intro switches to a past life. "ghost". last line may be a sign that events are occuring. havent found a connection with it tho.

I will always covet you,
my beginning, my home.

certain promise or care for this indivudal... ive had experience when reading previous pieces. strong an emotion attachments either past or present.

But your lush forests
and plentiful fruits
flinch at my foreign touch.
Your rivers and oceans are polluted
by my unfamiliar lips
as I taste your twisting currents.


garden of eden theme with a scent of a nude women with a tree of the forbidden apple. man pretty visual in my snese. lush forest and fruits i sense. this person does have baggage though through past waste. i mean by troubles, rumors, and the narrator is hesiate with this person. good stanza. very potent.


Forgotten
amongst strange planets and stars,
I know you will never allow me to revisit
my beginning, my home,
leaving me to search
for a new one
alone.


your looking for an establishment for security and home. maybe the narrator is seeking it alone while the individual is distant like neptune or pluto. cold, harden, or distant.

forgottened