#1
I feel pretty iffy on this, I dont think I executed it right (its kinda cheesy). Oh well, criticize away folks, I could use it. thanks

I spent the whole night, searching
through the community scrapbook
I was enticed by the lives
so I took a deeper look

I searched and I searched
but I wasnt part of the history
that's okay 'cause now is the present
and I have more pictures to see

I waited and waited for
someone to write a letter to me
but I never checked the mail cause
I didn't know how the weather would be

I missed another ride
down memory lane
I was checking the scrapbook
for another window-pane

I hoped someone would glue me in
cause I forgot to make my own,
now the community scrapbook
is the home that I know
#2
I have something as equally cheezy for you to crit....if this is c4c 0_o`?


Quote by coolinboard
I feel pretty iffy on this, I dont think I executed it right (its kinda cheesy). Oh well, criticize away folks, I could use it. thanks

I spent the whole night, searching
through the community scrapbook
I was enticed by the lives
so I took a deeper look
red means omit....the rest read ok...nothing super special but i like it so far ( i say so far but i have read the whole thing twice but i crit as if this is the first time reading it)


I searched and I searched
but I wasnt part of the history
that's okay 'cause now it is the present now
and I have more pictures to see
green means new word.. hm....the first line needs work....the rest reads ok with the omited parts omited..


I waited and waited for
someone to write a letter to me
but I never checked the mail cause
I didn't know how the weather would be
lolz at this....it is silly...the last line took away all serious thoughts i had of this...lolzz

I missed another ride
down memory lane
I was checking the scrapbook
for another window-pane
this is the best stanza....no changes on this...

I hoped someone would glue me in
cause I forgot to make my own,
now the community scrapbook
is the home that I know
I like this...not perfect but endings usualy never are....




on an overall note....i like the idea.....i can tell that with time you will become a better writer....you have good ideas....you just need to work on your execution....

here is a link to my latest post on here....your 2 cents would be appreciated on her.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1483567
I haz gotten gud