#1
Sometimes I just get the feeling that I come off as very patronizing when I'm just trying to give someone some encouragement, whether it be at music, puzzles, or some other thing that I'm good at. I am being honest when I say these things, but I just have this nagging feeling that I'm coming off as a total jerk.

Does anybody else have this problem? And can anybody offer me some advice on how to complement someone less skilled at something without making them feel bad about it? Halp
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#3
Quote by sam b
Not telling them this is always a start




StewieSwan blowing own trumpet here

So what if you can do puzzles and I can't stop bragging!
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#4
When you offer help don't straight up tell them they're doing it wrong. Say something such as, "Actually, what I would have done..."
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#5
I'm always trying to coax my singer into practicing more, I tell her that she has the most raw songwriting talent out of anyone I've played with but that she has to put more practice in because it's a f*cking waste.

If you give someone a really nice compliment you can generally get away with giving people sh*t for being lazy and complacent.
#8
Quote by Deliriumbassist
I'd say that's pretty patronising as well

Bah I'm no psychologist.
West Ham United
#9
Mind the tone.
There is a difference in saying it enthusiastic or in a bothered way.
It also depends on your track record how people react. If you're known for a pedantic know-it-all, people tend to get irritated more quickly.

I see if they are worth it before investing time and effort. If they really do the best they can and are open for suggestions, I will try to help.
In all other cases it only leads to frustration on both sides so I back off.
Just because I have some strong opinions doesn't mean I agree with everything I say.
#10
I hate it when people patronize me with complements, so I never complement someone unless I really mean it. And when I really mean it, it shows.
So I guess I don't have your problem.

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#11
Quote by sam b
Not telling them this is always a start



But that's the first thing I tell them obviously
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#12
Just say 'Well done, you've done so well, you can have one of my gold stickers! Run along now!'
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#14
Quote by StewieSwan
But that's the first thing I tell them obviously

Don't then. It's not rocket science
#15
Quote by cptcomet
Just say 'Well done, you've done so well, you can have one of my gold stickers! Run along now!'


I remember a joker of an instructor (he was hilarious) who gave me a banana after he ordered 'gear up' just after departure.
Just because I have some strong opinions doesn't mean I agree with everything I say.
#16
<<super srs answr>>

Most of it has to do with your intonation. If you use an overly happy or excitable tone you are going to come off as patronising.

What I do when I'm teaching a student is say, "That was good man, but next time *lah bljah blah what they need to improve on," or, "You've improved a lot since last time, but if I have to nit-pick, just take care with *whatever they need to improve."

Just keep it relaxed. Give a compliment to ease them up, then give them the constructive criticism.
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#17
Quote by StewieSwan
Sometimes I just get the feeling that I come off as very patronizing when I'm just trying to give someone some encouragement, whether it be at music, puzzles, or some other thing that I'm good at. I am being honest when I say these things, but I just have this nagging feeling that I'm coming off as a total jerk.

Does anybody else have this problem? And can anybody offer me some advice on how to complement someone less skilled at something without making them feel bad about it? Halp

You should keep making threads. Really, you're great at it.
Quote by Vornik
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to put it, along with your other advice, into a book, the pages of which I will then use to wipe my ass.
#18
Quote by dann_blood
You should keep making threads. Really, you're great at it.



I know, but thanks anyway.
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#20
Quote by StewieSwan
I know, but thanks anyway.

No, really, I mean, like, more threads. Great thread maker. More threads.
Quote by Vornik
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to put it, along with your other advice, into a book, the pages of which I will then use to wipe my ass.
#22
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#23
Quote by dann_blood
No, really, I mean, like, more threads. Great thread maker. More threads.



Count on it.
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#24
I feel the same.

I feel similarly when giving compliments, too. Even though I'm being sincere, it always comes across in-genuine or condescending.
#25
Maybe something like "Your improving a lot, you really are, but you should pay more attention to..."

And then show them how you would approach it and give them some tips.


#27
Quote by N_J_B_B
<<super srs answr>>

Most of it has to do with your intonation. If you use an overly happy or excitable tone you are going to come off as patronising.

What I do when I'm teaching a student is say, "That was good man, but next time *lah bljah blah what they need to improve on," or, "You've improved a lot since last time, but if I have to nit-pick, just take care with *whatever they need to improve."

Just keep it relaxed. Give a compliment to ease them up, then give them the constructive criticism.

I'd say this is the best advice this thread has to offer.
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S A D B O Y S
#28
I hate being patronized. I feel like they're inadvertently telling me I suck while calling me stupid at the same time. Just don't over-complement them, say what you mean.
#29
Compliment - Criticism, followed by a compliment.
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#31
Quote by dann_blood
No, really, I mean, like, more threads. Great thread maker. More threads.

Dude seems mad.
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#32
Who is dumb enough to not know how to do puzzles? Also, who would brag about being able to do puzzles?
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#33
Quote by StewieSwan
Why would you necrobump this?


It was on the front page
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#34
Quote by seeneyj
It was on the front page



Was talking to the other guy. You know...the one who necrobumped it.
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