#1
Crit4Crit, as always

A LITTLE BIT LESS MAGICAL

When a coward hides her face away behind a pretty mask
That's made of lipstick smiles painted over broken glass,
Well, the world is only everything that has ever been the case
And all the hearts around her have to break to save her face

You see, a rainbow you could reach
Would be that little bit less magical
An eclipse that you could stare directly
At wouldn't be the same
And a painting that is perfect
Will never be a masterpiece
And the actors in that musical
Have lives as dull as yours

If everything comes easily then everything is worthless
If illusions server to satisfy, she's a smoke and mirror queen
And the stars are only pinpricks, punched in a backlit canopy
And the girl you used to love is just the memory of a dream

It was a flawless flight
To a heady height
And now you've hit the ground just like you knew you might
A mercurial rise
Up to a thoughtless throne
Now you've hit the ground a thousand miles from home

Well, the jails are filled with dreamers
And victims of the times
And the businessmen walk, barefoot, through the empty halls of life
So charge your glasses, gentlemen, and ladies, raise them high
Because our secret's been discovered
And there's nowhere left to hide

It was a flawless flight
To a heady height
And now you've hit the ground just like you knew you might
A mercurial rise
Up to a thoughtless throne
Now you've hit the ground a thousand miles from home

You see, a rainbow you could reach
Would be that little bit less magical
An eclipse that you could stare directly
At wouldn't be the same
And a painting that is perfect
Will never be a masterpiece
And the actors in that musical
Have lives as dull as yours
#2
I like the vibe from this piece and I like the way it flowed throughout the whole thing. The intro verse was really intriguing, and definitely got me hooked and wanting to keep reading and it was followed by such a great line. "A rainbow you could reach would be a little bit less magical" I love the message being sent through that part.
Overall great piece.
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)
#3
Quote by jumped_up_kid
Crit4Crit, as always

A LITTLE BIT LESS MAGICAL

When a coward hides her face away behind a pretty mask
That's made of lipstick smiles painted over broken glass,
Well, the world is only everything that has ever been the case
And all the hearts around her have to break to save her face

You see, a rainbow you could reach
Would be that little bit less magical
An eclipse that you could stare directly
At wouldn't be the same
And a painting that is perfect
Will never be a masterpiece
And the actors in that musical
Have lives as dull as yours

If everything comes easily then everything is worthless
If illusions server to satisfy, she's a smoke and mirror queen
And the stars are only pinpricks, punched in a backlit canopy
And the girl you used to love is just the memory of a dream

It was a flawless flight
To a heady height
And now you've hit the ground just like you knew you might
A mercurial rise
Up to a thoughtless throne
Now you've hit the ground a thousand miles from home

Well, the jails are filled with dreamers
And victims of the times
And the businessmen walk, barefoot, through the empty halls of life
So charge your glasses, gentlemen, and ladies, raise them high
Because our secret's been discovered
And there's nowhere left to hide

It was a flawless flight
To a heady height
And now you've hit the ground just like you knew you might
A mercurial rise
Up to a thoughtless throne
Now you've hit the ground a thousand miles from home
this is the only part i dont like. but thats just cuz it seems out of place in this piece

You see, a rainbow you could reach
Would be that little bit less magical
An eclipse that you could stare directly
At wouldn't be the same
And a painting that is perfect
Will never be a masterpiece
And the actors in that musical
Have lives as dull as yours



i had a better critique done but my internet fkecud up ... great work. just wow... try a look at mine all the same https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1483740