#1
Just need to find somewhere
that i can call home
where i can be free to
create a world all my own
sculpt my dream into reality
a vision i see oh so clear
ill keep searching ill keep moving
till i find where i need to be
have my wounds have my scar
have my treasures have my guitar
have my hopes have my dreams
have my soul have my heart
as long as i keep myself strong
ill always be able to keep going on
keep going on

when i wrote this i was like yeah it needs a third verse

maybe one day when my journey ends
at least ill sleep in peace
because ive seen a lot of beauty
my memories ill always keep
maybe i didnt do as much as i though i could
but at least i gave it everything that i could 7
have my wounds have my scar
have my treasures have my guitar
have my hopes have my dreams
have my soul have my flesh
as long as i keep myself strong
ill always be able to keep going on
keep going on


Anyone got any ideas on any changes they'd think would make to help make this song better? Feel free to rewrite as much or as little as you like if I do use any changes I will give credit and if there is any future revenue from my songwriting career (lol unlikely though) I will give whats due to those who helped!
#2
I just need to find a place
that i can call home
where i can be at leisure to
remake the world my own
sculpt my dream into reality
a vision radiant and fair
ill keep searching ill keep moving
till i finally get there
have my wounds have my scars
have my treasures and guitar
have my hopes have my dreams
have my soul have my heart
as long as i keep myself strong
ill be allowed to carry on
keep going on

maybe when my journey ends
ill find the peace i seek
because ive seen the bueaty
held within my memories
maybe i didnt do all i thought i would
but at least i gave it everything i could
have my wounds have my scar
have my treasures and guitar
have my hopes have my dreams
have my soul have my flesh
as long as i keep myself strong
ill always be able to go on
keep going on


i know this isnt a proper critique but since you said to rewrite just take anything i changed as suggestion only. i liked what the piece was about but in my opinion you could benifit from a thesaurus. i hope you can take the time to check out one of mine

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1483740