#1
1st piece in a while, so be gentle with me.
I do have a rough idea of melody, but it's quite a confused rhythm, so I don't blame you if you get lost.

Find us a time and a place now,
My heart, well it's starting to race and,
Time and again it's through this maze I stumble,
(your?)

Send me a wave when you're near,
I'm shut-off so I'll never hear,
You're calling me from a distance I can't stand,

The pieces falling along the way,
Are The reasons calling me to stay,
You blow the conch and I run (I run),
While you tease me, surely ain't the time to play,

A trigger pulse, a bigger test of where I stand,
Never sure of what I know or who I am,
Shoot me again and I might just find my way,

The pieces falling along the way,
Are The reasons calling me to stay,
You blow the conch and I run (I run),
While you tease me, surely ain't the time to play,

Call me (Call me)
Show me (Show me)
Shoot me
I fall,

The pieces falling along the way,
Are The reasons calling me to stay,
You blow the conch and I run (I run),
While you tease me, surely ain't the time to play.
#2
I like this piece. I think its easy to identify with, but its also very poetic.

I have a few suggestions for ya, first would be to add another set of lyrics to go with the 'a trigger pulse, a bigger test of where I stand...' set. That way it evens out with the first 2 sets of lyrics: [Lyric1][Lyric2] [Chorus] [Lyric3][Lyric4] [Chorus]. What it boils down to is, you write good lyrics so FEED ME MORE!


Quote by KTFM

Call me (Call me)
Show me (Show me)
Shoot me
I fall,


I like this break in the song. Sort of sums it all up. Make this as epic as possible

Quote by KTFM

The pieces falling along the way,
Are The reasons calling me to stay,
While you tease me, surely (it) ain't the time to play.
You blow the conch and I run (I run),

^
Would you possibly consider switching the last two lines like so? To me, the 'I run's upset the integrity of the rhyme. But I don't hear it like you do, you might be able to pull it off

Anyway, that's all I have. Hope its constructive for you.
"CHOOSE YOUR FATE AND DIE!!"


-- Do as I say, not as I do. --
#3
Cheers, dude! Yeah, after the first chorus break, I looked back and realised it was missing a bit more, but didn't want to add an afterthought lyric, so I'll try to write something up when I next sit down with it.

Thanks for the chorus pointer, I think that's a nice change. I mean, in my head they both work fine, but I'll try it out both ways.