#1
(It's in my profile)


LYRICS:

There's a pocket in my heart
The seams aren't holding in what's left inside no more
I got your hair, I got your smile
That's all you gave to me before you changed your mind

Was it the alcohol, or maybe the poverty
I waited for you to just to come pick me up
But hours went by and you didn't show up

You didn't show up at the play I did in middle school
You didn't show up when I became a man
You didn't show up, at the gig I played just a couple of weeks ago
You never gave love, but I'm giving you this song
But you'll never show up to hear me play it wrong



It's not complete yet but I reeeally need some crit before I go on.
I really wanna know what you think of the chorus!


Will absolutely crit back
#2
The guitar sounded cool, and your voice is good, but I just think the subject matter of the song is a little corny. It's one thing if you want to talk about your dad not being there for you, but you shouldn't just outright SAY it clear as day, ya know? Use some poetic delivery and other devices to make the lyrics a bit more interesting and not so obvious.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1483927 C4C please.