#1
Please can I have feedback on this please, no matter if it is good or bad, and any advice on how to make it better please.

All of my life seemed so perfect
My world had only just began
I really just seemed to connect
With everything coming to plan
None of the lies here to infect
Yet all of that went in the pan
Full of broken hearts and rejects
That had come to plague all of man

I just have one last thing to say to you
With all these things that bring all of us pain
Don't try to undo
I have to regain
All my strengths that once took their toll on me
Retreated into a hole of despair
I know I'm wrong
I know I'm right
But please girl just always remember me

I know what I did was so wrong
You can't look me in the eye
So I thought I'd write you a song
To try and say to you good bye
And to show to you I am strong
All I can do is hug and cry
So I can feel like I belong
All you need to do is reply

I just have one last thing to say to you
With all these things that bring all of us pain
Don't try to undo
I have to regain
All my strengths that once took their toll on me
Retreated into a hole of despair
I know I'm wrong
I know I'm right
But please girl just always remember me

And we can waste time and light
Pretending that we can fight
When all we do is ignite
Into something quite right
I was wrong all that night
But when I need you all right
You will hold me so so tight

I just have one last thing to say to you
With all these things that bring all of us pain
Don't try to undo
I have to regain
All my strengths that once took their toll on me
Retreated into a hole of despair
I know I'm wrong
I know I'm right
But please girl just always remember me
#2
upload a video of you singing it.
Then someone MIGHT bother posting feedback on the thread.
#3
You said please....so...i will give it a go...

Quote by Nathy137
Please can I have feedback on this please, no matter if it is good or bad, and any advice on how to make it better please.

All of my life seemed so perfect
My world had only just began
read better...as..."My entire life seemed so perfect"...then..."My world had just begun"..

I really just seemed to connect
"i allways seem to connect
With everything coming to plan
None of the lies here to infect
Yet all of that went in the pan
Full of broken hearts and rejects
That had come to plague all of man

Ok...I would recomend taking out little words or phrases that do not add anything to the story...You have a nice idea though..

I just have one last thing to say to you
With all these things that bring all of us pain
With these things that bring us pain

Don't try to undo
I have to regain
All my strengths that once took their toll on me
Retreated into a hole of despair
I know I'm wrong
I know I'm right
But please girl just always remember me
but please remember me

I know what I did was so wrong
omit "so"

You can't look me in my eyes now
So I thought I'd write you a song
To try and say to you good bye
omit "to you"

And to show you I am strong
All I can do is hug and cry
So I can feel like I belong
All you need to do is reply




I just have one last thing to say to you
With all these things that bring all of us pain
Don't try to undo
I have to regain
All my strengths that once took their toll on me
Retreated into a hole of despair
I know I'm wrong
I know I'm right
But please girl just always remember me

And we can waste time and light
Pretending that we can fight
When all we do is ignite
Into something quite right
I was wrong all that night
But when I need you all right
You will hold me so so tight
stop adding useless words like " all".... and so....it is good but you are adding all of these little things that add nothing to the piece


I just have one last thing to say to you
With all these things that bring all of us pain
Don't try to undo
I have to regain
All my strengths that once took their toll on me
Retreated into a hole of despair
I know I'm wrong
I know I'm right
But please girl just always remember me



on an overall note....this is ok...you need to revise it a bit...

c4c>>>??????
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1483567
I haz gotten gud
#4
Quote by JB95
upload a video of you singing it.
Then someone MIGHT bother posting feedback on the thread.


why does a video matter???

Bad lyrics need to be fixed before they are used in a song....

vocal melody should come after lyrics...that way you can alter your lyrics without fukking up the vocal melody....
I haz gotten gud