Random3
Likes Satchurated fat.
Join date: Mar 2007
6,559 IQ
#1
Looking for some feedback on this piece I wrote. I havn't recorded it yet because I havn't actually learned it as I wrote most of it without picking up the guitar.

Mainly influenced by Periphery, Meshuggah and Sikth.
Attachments:
i dented the car.gp5
jer-bear5212
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2009
262 IQ
#2
not really my style but i do admit, it sounds cool and i dig it.
6StringBlazer
How did you get in here!?
Join date: Sep 2008
348 IQ
#3
Dude I love this! It sounds awesome
Just a man and his strings..

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Shortround
Track5 Bassingsnessness
Join date: Jun 2008
79 IQ
#4
I'll give you an as it plays reaction:

I'm new to this style, so I'm not sure where everything else stands, but I liked it, especially rhythm 1, it felt like it hit at all the right places, it would work really well as a build imo. I loved that you did some cool stuff with the bass in the chorus! I wasn't so fond of rhythm 2, maybe the way it led in and out wasn't sitting right, idk. The bridge got crazy in a good way! kudos, but the solo only felt like a complement to the sounds under it, instead of vice versa, not sure what you wanna do about that. Drum fill would probably be better irl, so I won't say it was bad, just work it out in recording if you choose to. Back to the riff was cool. Woah, jazz, haha, I dig it, really fun stuff on the bass. Maybe cut that short while it's repeating at the end and rework the transition to the chorus, I wasn't feeling it. I liked a lot outro for the most part, got a bit crazy, I'm not sure what to say about that.

Overall, really cool, just a few strange transitions (which I may just not be used to)!


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1484633
O hai. I am track fife, all my bassings are for belong to you.
Random3
Likes Satchurated fat.
Join date: Mar 2007
6,559 IQ
#5
Thanks guys, yeah I wanted to make something that just progressed musically into whatever came out of my head without even touching the guitar. I experimented a lot more with obscure rhythms in this piece than I have before.
GuitarFreak1387
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2007
504 IQ
#7
the only thing i didnt like was that rhythm 1 to me needed a little more variation to it. besides that, i like it a lot.
FrauVfromPoB
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2010
662 IQ
#8
The beginning riff reminded me of the Goron Mountain music from various Zelda games, but djenty. Sounded pretty cool. The jazz break towards the end was ballin' too. But most of the song was too proggy for its own good. It seemed like you were trying to hard to use weird rhythms and chords and ignoring the fact that you were writing a song.
Last edited by FrauVfromPoB at Oct 16, 2011,
CanIbeDanny?
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2011
43 IQ
#9
I liked most of the song as a whole. It's very experimental, if that's what you were going for, you nailed it. Though, I feel that it can't stand as it's own piece. You know how Between the Buried and Me does whole albums as a single piece? This could be a part of something like that. To me, the jazz break was kind of long, and the outro didn't really feel like an outro. It was a little too long.

C4C https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1488798
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xlRainlx
The Black Raven
Join date: Sep 2007
498 IQ
#10
Whoa. That is insane. I love it! I just recently got into Periphery so I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to Djent but I think this pretty much sounds like one of the more epic songs I have heard so far from the genre.
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JazzDeath
Oracle of the Absurd
Join date: Aug 2008
2,037 IQ
#11
Well the first riff is very happy, Protest-The Hero type riffing, although I don't typically like that style because I find it's a bit on the wanky scale run side, you do it well and it sounds good within the style, so it ultimately comes off as successful.

My issue with Rhythm 1 is not the rhythmics, it's the melody and harmony you decide to use. You're always playing the same harmonisation to the same melody, and I think you could really develop it, bring it somewhere, and then bring it into the next riff waaaaay better than that. Could use some work.

I like all of the chorus save for a couple of the bass line choices.

For example bar 18, the 14th fret on the third bass string during the held out chord is unnecessary, you should just hold out the bass chord along to the guitar chord so that it flows better rhythmically

Same for the absolute last chord on bass in the chorus, unnecessary in my opinion. Other than that the chorus is real nice.

Rhythm 2 has the same issue starting off than the first rhythm, the transition rules though and the riffs afterwards in 7/8 and in 3/4 are just badddd assss, I love em. I love the dissonance, I love the switching rhythms, that just rules.

I dislike your backing track for the solo so because of that, I mean for me if a solo has a bad backing the solo will never be good no matter what, so I don't like that part much.

Real weird drum fill, I don't get it.

Riff after, same as first riff, not my style or mood but well written.

Your jazz rhythm severely needs some better mixing, right now it's just a bunch of real loud jazz chords with no dynamics. Could be nice but I have no idea how it would be interpreted.

Chorus, same as before. Really cool, a few mishaps on bass.

The beggining of the outro was nice, the one note chug has been soooooooooo overdone, so I dislike that p art. When the lead comes in though and you add a progression it's just amazing, so why even put the single note chug? Just do that and more of it, it sounds so badass!

Also the song ends a bit abruptly.

Focus on the unique ideas you have and ditch the mediocre chug riffs and you have some serious riffs to make a good song. Lacks polish though but I think it's a piece that's worth polishing and putting more effort into.

C4C nao plz?
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