#1
Alright well, this is a song that's a work in progress at the moment, considering it to be entitled "Space Odyssey", although I might do with a change of the name so that others would not be confused with the classical piece. Constructive criticism always welcomed .

<Clean Part>
Drifting out into the stars
Trapped behind these cold steel bars
What has to come and what has past
Left out in the cold like a lonely outcast

<Verse>
Trapped in this metal coffin
With no hope of communication
This cosmic energy retains authority
Over my inner being

I'm trapped in this cage
With no where to go
Surely there's some way to escape
But there's no way out

<Chorus>
Out beyond the stars
lies thy everlasting vitality
In the vast sea of space
lies my only hope for tranquility

<Clean Part>
Drifting out of consciousness
My mind fades off like a fragile kiss
What is to come and what has past
Shall plague my mind until I'm home at last

<Verse>
Stuck on this endless voyage
Escaping from vitality and carnage
Floating aimlessly for all eternity
Will I ever see home again?

There's no hope for returning
So I must go onward
To find new lands on a distant planet
Far beyond

<Chorus>
Out beyond the stars
lies thy everlasting vitality
In the vast sea of space
lies my only hope for tranquility

<Clean Part>
Drifting out into the abyss
My mind retains it's uncertain bliss
What has come and what has past
Needs not foretold, the spell's been cast

<Bridge>
The stars have foretold my future's uncertain
Has my life been a lie, kept behind the white curtain
Destiny's calling, I can hear her voice
Behind the transmission, left behind the white noise

<Solos>

<Chorus>
Out beyond the stars
lies thy everlasting vitality
In the vast sea of space
lies my only hope for tranquility

Drifting out into the stars
Trapped behind these metal bars
What has come and what has past
I'll never see my home until I sleep at last
#2
I dug it sir, for some reason (excuse me for any genre offense) I thought it'd make a cool glam metal song, certainly has a very cool feel to it.
"And then the weather turned to bullsh*t"