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#1
Hi pit, i come for your advice!

I met a pretty slutty girl today, and got talking and i grabbed her number before i left.

So she texted me and we found out that we live just a few streets down from eachother, which is pretty convenient. So we figured out that we are going to chill next wednesday, about a week from today.

I asked her what we should do and she started going on about how she wants me, i have no idea why a female would be attracted to me hahah, so we figured out that we were going to have sex.

So pit, im absolutely shitting myself about this. Im sure my penis is going to go off as soon as she touches it.

Helppppp

tldr; im having sex and dont know what the **** to do
#2
I see.
Can we erase the past?
To allow our dreams to forever last?

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Jackson DK2, DK2M, DKMGT, SLAT3-7, DK1
#8
Quote by Tom 1.0



Seriously?


my thought exactly as soon as I logged on and saw this thread on the front page.
Quote by pedromiles101
you're not gonna want to take a dump in a gross, off-colored, vintage toilet. you want something that is white and pearly; something that shines. something that you can put your cheeks against and say, "f*** yeah"
#12
Quote by sglover34479
Fap before?


i'm contemplating this but i keep on thinking of the inbetweeners.

Simon has a tactical fap beforehand and then when it comes to the business he cant get it up...
#15
2 rubbers is a baaaaaaad idea

Though fapping just before you go will help, and think of your grandma. naked.

,--.-'-,--.
\ /-~-\ /
/ )' a a `( \
( ( ,---. ) )
THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A PIG
\ `(_o_o_)' /
\ `-' /
| |---| |
[_] [_]
#18
yeah not a smart move posting in the pit...

either way, have fun.
Quote by element4433
One time I watched a dog lick his own dick for twenty minutes.

Quote by Roc8995
No.


Well, technically it could be done, but only in the same way that you could change a cat into a hamburger. It's an unpleasant process, and nobody is happy with the result.
#19
Quote by Moullla
i'm contemplating this but i keep on thinking of the inbetweeners.

Simon has a tactical fap beforehand and then when it comes to the business he cant get it up...

Do it an hour before instead of 2 minutes before.
#20
Quote by ali.guitarkid7


Jerk off before and use two rubbers.



Wut?

People do this?

1977 Burny FLG70
2004 EBMM JP6
2016 SE Holcolmb
#21
You're not supposed to expect sex, that's when things go wrong...
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#24
Quote by Moullla
i'm contemplating this but i keep on thinking of the inbetweeners.

Simon has a tactical fap beforehand and then when it comes to the business he cant get it up...

Dude, you're putting waaayyy too much thought into this. If you feel as though you might pop too early, jerk off before hand (Not too close to the date though). If it happens during sex, wait 10 mins and try again.

Just relax man

Quote by Tom 1.0
Wut?

People do this?

I don't know, I guess.

I've never done it, but I've heard of people who've done it.
Last edited by ali.guitarkid7 at Oct 6, 2011,
#25
Quote by Butt Rayge
Do it an hour before instead of 2 minutes before.


im sure one hour is enough time for my balls to create an intense build-up of sperm that would easily kill a small infant if shot at
#27
Quote by BluePaintCult
Definitely don't use two rubbers, lool. I've heard that the friction between the two of them causes them to break very very easily.

That's especially bad if you're three pump chumpin'


lolol


Happened to my mate, and he got her pregnant, moral of the story? You might as well ride bareback

,--.-'-,--.
\ /-~-\ /
/ )' a a `( \
( ( ,---. ) )
THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A PIG
\ `(_o_o_)' /
\ `-' /
| |---| |
[_] [_]
#28
So stick it in again after it goes off. Repeat as necessary. What's the big deal?
#29
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
Dude, you're putting waaayyy too much thought into this. If you feel as though you might pop too early, jerk off before hand. If it happens during sex, wait 10 mins and try again.

Just relax man


+1 Good advice, nothing is more embarrasing than finishing in 3 minutes. Trust me
Quote by PsiGuy60
Banned for respecting my opinion and politely disagreeing.
You're probably the most respectful person in the Pit.
#30
Quote by Tom 1.0
Wut?

People do this?


I do it


Not because I'm going to have sex. Because I'm not going to have sex.
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#31
Quote by ali.guitarkid7


Jerk off before and use two rubbers.

I don't recommend doing either of these.

1. You might not be able to get it up.
2. You have a better chance of a condom ripping when you use two.

Other advice: Learn to eat pussy. If you're about to go off, switch positions. Do keegles. Act like you've been there before.
Quote by severed-metal
Come to think of it, my penis should've listened to more death metal.


Quote by Morphogenesis26
So my question is. Can Pre-Cum fluid pass through my underwear, my jeans, onto and through her jeans, through her underwear, and impregnate her?
#34
Find a book on how to show women respect.
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I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#36
I guess I'll be the gentleman, since nobody else will. TS, it's a scientific law that sex on a Wednesday gets girls pregnant. Don't do it.
Check out my band Disturbed
#38
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Find a book on how to show women respect.

Yeah, like Anal Cheerleaders 4. It's more of a magazine but definitely has the content you need.
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#39
Quote by Moullla
i'm contemplating this but i keep on thinking of the inbetweeners.

Simon has a tactical fap beforehand and then when it comes to the business he cant get it up...


Slap your cock then.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#40
Why the hell do people ask for advice about sex? It's like the most primal simple instinctual thing you could possibly do. Just go with it. If you shoot off the second she looks at it, it'll be hilarious. Make sure to let us know what happens
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