#1
So, I've been working on this song for a while, and I keep tweeking the chorus to adjust for flow and cadence. This is the final version.

If you could, let me know what you think, any crits, and what you believe is being said by this. Thanks!

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Pre-Chorus
Scream until the daylight draws
And wait for it all to begin again

Chorus
Now I’m inches from the ledge
Facing a wind that begs me to fall
And these fractured wings made from steel
Bend the knees that wish to stand tall
"This nightmare's gonna break me.
Please, Daylight, save me..."
#3
Well, I will admit that the wording is a bit cliche, however, I beg to differ on the overall message. It seems to have gone completely over your head. I appreciate the imput regardless.
"This nightmare's gonna break me.
Please, Daylight, save me..."
#4
Along with veiled insult, or did that go over my head as well my friend? Perhaps you can PM me the revelation. You submitted a chorus from an entire piece. It is difficult to discern anything from so little when it is obviously incomplete. Regardless of what you wish it to say it seems to be weak in imagery and therefore meaning.

in any case goodluck.
Last edited by merriman44 at Oct 8, 2011,
#5
I didn't so much mean it as an insult as much as a general disagreement. You're response contradicts multiple others. This in mind, the data shows that you're not right. That's all. =)
"This nightmare's gonna break me.
Please, Daylight, save me..."