#1
If you play guitar, here are the chords used(they're all down and up arpeggios for the most part with the exception of the B7 in the bridge which is an arppegio for one measure, but just a single downstrum for the second)



Tempo=120



Em- 022000

Am7-x02010

B7-x24242

B7(Bridge)-797877

Cmaj7-x35453

*One line is equivalent to two measures

**I write like I know what I'm talking about :'D

---------------------------

Verse 1



Em

I take a breath, it takes me deeper than it seems

Am7

Into the soft, caress, of painful memory

B7

And I confess, that this, feels nothing like a dream that I'd

Em

Conceive

Em

A siren song, so sweet, it whispers me goodbye

Am7

In foreign tongues, unique, completely full of lies

B7

Ventriloquist of deceit, I shy away from bedroom sheets with no

Em

Design



Bridge

Am7

Yet I could see, no wrong, in the things that you would do

Em

I'd hypnotized, myself to falling more in love with you

Am7

Oblivious to intuition, out of logic's point of view

B7(bridge)

A requiem of pure emotion, symphony of passing through



Verse 2

Em

With open eyes, you'd stare to the corners of my soul

Am7

An honest kiss, in part, but unbecoming whole

B7

Foreshadowing reality, a fantasy that's left untold

Cmaj7(single strum) B7(bridge-single)

An enigmatic tradgedy, who's plot could never be controlled



Bridge

Am7

Yet I could see, no wrong, in the things that you would do

Em

I'd hypnotized, myself to falling more in love with you

Am7

Oblivious to intuition, out of logic's point of view

B7(bridge)

A requiem of pure emotion, symphony of passing through
#2
first off: i picked my guitar up for this one, Beautiful!
second: it seems that you might need to clean up your syllables, but you almost certainly dont sing it how i tried to... lol
third: i want to hear you play it...

now on to the rest:
'A siren song, so sweet, it whispers me goodbye'
perhaps away instead of goodbye?

and honestly thats it. im sure you have it there for rhyme but i just find the word choice grating in an otherwise well written song.


c4c? (mines just a crappy poem)
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1486061
#3
I look into those lines to see if there's something more suitable as a revision. With the theme of the song the word choice is very difficult haha

Thanks for the compliment on musical composition <3

I'd be happy to take a look at your poem ^.^

*edit*
I forgot to address the vocal pattern, the way that it is sang is very "unique" (strange lol) I intended it that way, but I also agree that some of the syllables could be reworked to flow better :3
Last edited by djgoesnomnom at Oct 9, 2011,