#1
Again something I dislike. Not my best work I'm sure.

_________
My eyes were heavy,
but the words
grew lighter and
wished to float out.
They're trapped
and haggering
me about it.
They don't understand
that in order for me to
let them loose
I have to rest well.
I lost my lighter,
drinks,
girl, house,
will
and now I'm
binning my sleep.
What is it about
my head that
apparates it all
to seem so
replacable;
Malleable.

"You've lost a woman?"
He asked,
"I turned around for
one second". He smiled;
didn't seem too
sympathetic.
"Where do they go?"
He hassled.
"To other men
who turn around"

Two burnt heads
and a reverie-like
slap later and
there was nothing
to write about.

The world is cured
and I can't stand it.
Last edited by ali.guitarkid7 at Oct 10, 2011,
#2
where do they go indeed...

this does seem a little rough but it is in the right place. the ending is the part in need of the most work as it seems a little scattered...
far from bad though.
keep it up!
#3
As I've said before, I like this style but I want it to be longer. Simply put, I want more! It's so easy to read and it's really fast phased, I'm like "Oh this is good" and then it suddenly ends just as I starting to get into it. I think that with a longer story, and chapters like this, it would make a neat novel.
Empty tankard! Empty Tankard!
#4
Thanks Dillion, the ending is meant to seem a little off cause the two protagonists here just got high.

oakn I've been trying to make short stories as a start (I haven't had any practice with those) but hasn't been working out very well. I'm definitely keeping that in mind though.

Thanks guys.