#1
Beyond the wall of sleep
Enter the realm of dreams
Where nothing's what it seems

You float around in the void
Against a time that bends
Eternal pandemonium in all of ends

When the last drop of life
Drip drop down down down
Turns to a sea and you drown

Wicked mental constellations
Endlessly in agony you weep
Lost in the black deep...
(the final sleep)



///

There's not much to say about this: It's a horror-poem about dying slowly.
(Still working on a painting)
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#2
when i think of dying slowly i think of crucifixion... ultimate slow death. you most often die of infection or starvation... just some food for thought.

this is great work if i do say!
#3
This is an acid trip gone horribly wrong. Awesome.

I do have a few complaints about some of the lines/imagery that are a tad cliche.

Enter the realm of dreams
Where nothing's what it seems

Endlessly in agony you weep
Lost in the black deep...
(the final sleep)


However lines like:

Eternal pandemonium in all of ends

Drip drop down down down
Turns to a sea and you drown

Wicked mental constellations


Are simply great.

I think you should work on writing longer stuff though, something as short as this doesn't really help explain the last dying moments of someone.

#4
A tad cliche? I'd say very cliche . But I think they make the poem seem a bit more old-fashioned.

I'll try to write longer stuff, even though I think it's really hard... and not really my style. But yeah, some of my poems do seem a bit short (like this one).

And, thanks guys!
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