I'm writing a tongue-in-cheek humor paper on how people attract the opposite sex

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#1
It's a compare and contrast essay following closely to the humor of that SNL skit about sexual harassment. 1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive.

It's for my freshman comp class and I need some more ideas. Don't be afraid to get a little racy. Ridiculous ideas and comparisons are encouraged. The funnier the better obviously.
#2
It's probably not going to be funny at all.
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#5
how to attract the opposite sex?


Become a major fashion designer

make a popular line of foil clothes

wear a suit with magnets.
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I had a dream about your avatar once, so yes of course.

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every time i see that twirling electrode avatar of yours I know that the post is worth reading or the link is worth clicking


#6
^
^^
Wow, 2 similar suggestions in a row...
I'm rgrockr and I do not approve of this message.
#7
Show off your dick cleavage.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#8
Compare and contrast the reasons why fat people are viewed differently from a gender stand point then relate it to sexual feelings.

Compare and contrast different opinions on whether women like giant dicks.

Make a case for "hows the weather" as a great conversation starter.

Age difference, and not just an older guy with a younger women. Think about an older women with a younger guy.

Then make it funny.
#10
dress like this.

Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#11
chloroform. how has it not been said yet?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#12
Quote by the bartender
It's probably not going to be funny at all.

This.

Quote by fearofthemark
how to attract the opposite sex?


Become a major fashion designer

make a popular line of foil clothes

wear a suit with magnets.

Most metals conventionally used in foils aren't magnetic.
#16
Quote by Stoner0405

It's for my freshman comp class and I need some more ideas. Don't be afraid to get a little racy. Ridiculous ideas and comparisons are encouraged. The funnier the better obviously.


Quote by Stoner0405

It's for my freshman comp class and I need some more ideas. Don't be afraid to get a little racy. The funnier the better obviously.


Quote by Stoner0405

It's for my freshman comp class. Don't be afraid to get a little racy.


Quote by Stoner0405

freshman....a little racy.


Sounds legit.
#17
Quote by RU Experienced?



Most metals conventionally used in foils aren't magnetic.



i was going to say this.
Last edited by rickyj at Oct 11, 2011,
#20
treat a women like shit and they might still sleep with you.
treat a woman too nicely and she won't even consider it.
#21
Quote by hansome21
treat a women like shit and they might still sleep with you.
treat a woman too nicely and she won't even consider it.


+1 this shite is soo true, for some reason chicks like being treated like worthless trash, I guess its that whole badboy thing, or maybe something left over from daddy beating her.
#22
Quote by ne14t
+1 this shite is soo true, for some reason chicks like being treated like worthless trash, I guess its that whole badboy thing, or maybe something left over from daddy beating her.


There's a difference between being a nice guy and a pussy.

Luckily I'm none of those.
Breakfast, Breakfast, it's great for us
We eat, we eat, we eat
That frozen meat
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, it can't be beat
#24
Quote by Crazyedd123
There's a difference between being a nice guy and a pussy.


Quote by Idiot_Son
i went to the pub. the look on the bartenders faces when they realised theyd been serving me alcohol illegally for the past two years was priceless.

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DoGaLog, i think youv jst owned everyone on this thread and well done.
#25
Quote by hansome21
treat a women like shit and they might still sleep with you.
treat a woman too nicely and she won't even consider it.


Butthurt spotted
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#26
Quote by fail
Butthurt spotted

+1

Your failure with women has nothing to do with being a socially awkward, uninteresting, ugly, misogynistic douche, it's because chicks aren't into guys who treat them well. Give me a break.
#28
Quote by hansome21
treat a women like shit and they might still sleep with you.
treat a woman too nicely and she won't even consider it.


This such dumb logic. The assholes you see get women get women because they're attractive and not because they're assholes (and because they actually go and talk to the women, something most men who make the "women only like assholes" argument won't do). Yes women are sometimes superficial and like men with nice bodies, but so are men. I know that plenty of you guys would choose a bitchy hot girl over a nice unattractive to mediocre looking girl.

It's ludicrous to see a woman with an asshole boyfriend and draw the conclusion that it's that he's a douchebag that she likes and not the fact that he's more physically attractive than you.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#29
Secret to getting women:
- Take steroids
- Ride a motorcycle
- Pop your collar
The lake was silent for some time. Finally it said:
"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
#30
Quote by CrunchyRoll
Secret to getting women:
- Take steroids
- Ride a motorcycle
- Pop your collar


I love reading teenage virgin's ideas of the opposite sex.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#31
Quote by tayroar
I love reading teenage virgin's ideas of the opposite sex.


Birthday : September 4, 1991

Age:
- Younger than me
Status:
- Unaware
- Neckbeard
- Internet thug
Mood:
- Mad
- Jelly
Outlook:
- Forever alone
The lake was silent for some time. Finally it said:
"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
#33
Quote by hansome21
treat a women like shit and they might still sleep with you.
treat a woman too nicely and she won't even consider it.

omgz dood like dis is so tru n ur so smart no wonder u get so much pussyyy.




OT: TS, get inside there and start firing off as much 'women in the kitchen' jokes.


Report back with your F.
#36
Make her a sandwich for once. She'll be wetter than Captain Nemo's beard
Breakfast, Breakfast, it's great for us
We eat, we eat, we eat
That frozen meat
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, it can't be beat
#38
The following statement is truth. Every girl says she wants to ride a motorcycle, but come time to ride it ferrealz, only half of em still want to.

Quote by denizenz
I'll logic you right in the thyroid.

Art & Lutherie
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