#1
Bosom of Gaia
Everlasting pond
pulsing rivers
in shape of a frond

Gleaming flow
life in breams
carry O
through the streams

Her mystique
Blue-dyed red
runs every creek
as she spread

From thick
to thin
Calm licks
on skin

From widest of water
to a narrow rill
all is her
for the thrill


///

As I most often do... I've tried to write a poem that describes an image in my head: The Earth in the shape of an woman with water that runs through her vains in arousal.

As stated it's a work in progress... I don't know how to continue, if I should continue, if things need to be changed...? I'm just stuck.
Empty tankard! Empty Tankard!
#2
i love the idea of this. but i would say the rhyming actually takes away from this piece.

i say let the image in your head speak through and not to worry about the flow... let it come naturally and forget about rhymes...

that would be my only suggestion. i like it though
Last edited by Dillon_Kennedy at Oct 13, 2011,