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#1
i have heard lots of people say that they stay with their spouse because of their children.
even in movies:

"dont leave me darling, think of the children!"

i have even heard my own parents say this: "we stayed together for you kids"
frankly, i dont think this is fair to my parents.

if two people were falling off a bridge on one side pf the bridge and one person was falling off the opposite side, i would run to the couple.

maybe, a bad analogy, but what i am getting at is: are my two parents happiness less important than my own?
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#2
Quote by Harvey Swick

if two people were falling off a bridge on one side pf the bridge and one person was falling off the opposite side, i would run to the couple.


Shit bro, you must have mad upper body strength.
#3
Quote by devourke
Shit bro, you must have mad upper body strength.



yeah i only realized that flaw in the analogy until after i typed it. which is why i think it sucks.
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#4
Quote by Harvey Swick
yeah i only realized that flaw in the analogy until after i typed it. which is why i think it sucks.


It's ok. I was gonna reply OT in this post but I went advanced and now I don't remember what the topic was about. I'll just chuck an edit in afterwards though.

EDIT: I dunno, I guess they probably feel it's their responsibility to give you what they think would be the best childhood possible.
Last edited by devourke at Oct 14, 2011,
#5
When my parents split up, my Mum said it would've happened ages ago but they wanted to stay together for our sake.
#6
Quote by Harvey Swick
i have even heard my own parents say this: "we stayed together for you kids"
frankly, i dont think this is fair to my parents.


It is not fair! They have been miserable for you...I hope you feel good about yourself TS
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




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#7
From the point of evolution, you are by far much more important than your parents.

From the point of the advancement of human race, you might not be as important as your parents, if they are, for example, scientific researchers, and you're a porn actor.

From the point of a "modern human", they should do whatever they want just to make THEMSELVES feel better= be a greedy self-centered dick. However, even if they part, they will feel BAD because they made their child feel bad. So they might be staying together because it feels NOT as bad, as if it would be if they parted.
#8
@slash_GNR666
i do. their suffering made them better people.
MMMWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

in all seriousness, do any parents on this website feel that way?
or have ever felt that way?
Harvey Swick would be interested in hearing/reading about it.

i do wish my parents could have achieved their potential to the fullest.

Edit:

@Zeletros
i see your point. your biological reason for existing is to procreate and. so, the next generation is, in fact, more important than the previous.
biologically speaking, of course, but what about morally?
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Last edited by Harvey Swick at Oct 14, 2011,
#9
Who cares. The kids life will be shit either way. Marriages outside of the Christian church are on the fast track to failure. Marriage is almost always a mistake.
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Last edited by ripple07 at Oct 14, 2011,
#10
Quote by Harvey Swick
@slash_GNR666
i do. their suffering made them better people.
MMMWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

in all seriousness, do any parents on this website feel that way?
or have ever felt that way?
Harvey Swick would be interested in hearing/reading about it.

i do wish my parents could have achieved their potential to the fullest.


My daughter is only 9 months old, and me and the wife (a couple of months ago) had drifted slighty(very slighty) apart but we just kept working on it and everything seems back to normal.

Dunno what it was, I think we both felt like we weren't getting another attention of each other but I could never ever blame my child for that, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




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#11
I wish you the best of luck, slash_GNR666, and i truly believe you when you say, you love your daughter like nothing else on this earth.

@ripple07

i dont know if it's about marriage so much as teen pregnancy.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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Last edited by Harvey Swick at Oct 14, 2011,
#12
Quote by Harvey Swick
@slash_GNR666
i do. their suffering made them better people.
MMMWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

in all seriousness, do any parents on this website feel that way?
or have ever felt that way?
Harvey Swick would be interested in hearing/reading about it.

i do wish my parents could have achieved their potential to the fullest.

Edit:

@Zeletros
i see your point. your biological reason for existing is to procreate and. so, the next generation is, in fact, more important than the previous.
biologically speaking, of course, but what about morally?



From the evolutionary point of view, they are.

However, evolution is considered to be a progress. And very many people don't really contribute to the "progress", rather the other way around.


Morally?

Family bond is what is supposed to be unconditional love. Even if a person in your family does something you dislike, you would still love him, and would want everything to turn out okay for the whole family. Unfortunately, many people don't see that, and put individual success over the success of your family.
#13
Quote by ripple07
Who cares. The kids life will be shit either way. Marriages outside of the Christian church are on the fast track to failure. Without the threat of hell the man and woman will not treat each-other or the kid in a good manner. Marriage is almost always a mistake.


So I guess we're just going to have to remain life partners then? Or do you not want to have kids? I'm pretty sure we could have kids if we tried hard enough.
#14
could you elaborate a bit more for me Zeletros?
maybe i am too stoned, but i dont completely understand
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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#15
Quote by Harvey Swick
I wish you the best of luck, slash_GNR666, and i truly believe you when you say, you love your daughter like nothing else on this earth.


Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#16
They're just trying to make you feel guilty so you might do sexy stuff for them as an apology.
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#17
i dont feel guilt^
they chose what their lives would be.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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#18
Well you should, you ruined both their lives.
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#19
Quote by Harvey Swick
could you elaborate a bit more for me Zeletros?
maybe i am too stoned, but i dont completely understand



What is there to elaborate?

Ask a direct question, and I'd give a direct answer
#20
I know what you mean, my parents stayed together a lot of years just because of me, now I know it was unfair, but I was just a little child, and I just wanted to keep the family whom I grew up happily, also I think in my case my parents are being unfair with me now, because they make me feel guilty remembering me at every opportunity they have the years they wasted just because I wanted our family together, that's not fair
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#21
"We stayed together for the children" is IMO, a load of self-righteous bullshit.

Whats better for the children, living with one parent and visiting the other once in a while, or watching your parents get in heated arguments on a daily basis?

I went through the later for several years (and was fuking miserable), before the later eventually happened.
Things were much better after they split.
#23
Quote by Harvey Swick
if two people were falling off a bridge on one side pf the bridge and one person was falling off the opposite side, i would run to the couple.


Pfft, I would save all three

It's definitely not anyone's fault. A child can't comprehend the situation enough to be able to understand that his or her parents are better off apart. All that matters to the child is that they're together. Although I'm sure it really sucks to find out later in life that they were really unhappy the whole time.

On the other hand, I believe that once two adults have a child together, they have a responsibility to raise that child to the best of their abilities. The child should always come first and it's easier and more beneficial to raise a child as a couple. I respect the parents that choose to stick it out for the sake of their child's well-being, even if it comes at a cost to them.
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#24
Quote by Jimmy_Page_Zep
Pfft, I would save all three

It's definitely not anyone's fault. A child can't comprehend the situation enough to be able to understand that his or her parents are better off apart. All that matters to the child is that they're together. Although I'm sure it really sucks to find out later in life that they were really unhappy the whole time.

On the other hand, I believe that once two adults have a child together, they have a responsibility to raise that child to the best of their abilities. The child should always come first and it's easier and more beneficial to raise a child as a couple. I respect the parents that choose to stick it out for the sake of their child's well-being, even if it comes at a cost to them.



but is that cost worth the respect?
would you rather have it that way than both individual parents living as they would choose without a spouse or child?
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#25
Quote by Harvey Swick
but is that cost worth the respect?
would you rather have it that way than both individual parents living as they would choose without a spouse or child?


To be honest, it's a tricky topic that depends on the situation. If the child is too young to comprehend what is going on then the parents are obligated to stay together. A teenager should be able to understand that his parents are better off apart. At that age I'm sure he or she has noticed that the parents' relationship isn't working. However if the child is an infant or a toddler, the parents have to take responsibility for the life they've created and realize that it's better for the child to at least try to work out their differences. Obviously extreme situations like abuse warrant one parent leaving the other.
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#26
Your parents stayed together for you? You are causing them problems, TS.

Just tell them both to get a fucking divorce.
ggg1 ggg3

.
#27
I don't think staying together "for the children" is at all healthy and to be honest, when the partner who's being left goes "think of your child!" it's probably just a desperate plea to make them stay for their own sake.
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#28
It's hard to wake up...
when the shades have been pulled shut...
This will start a RIOT! in me
#29
I disagree to some extent, when my parents broke up it hurt me alot and my mum got a new boyfriend who rarely spoke to me (don't even say hello to each other now and its been over 8 years)

I felt very pushed aside and never spent much time with my mum, i mean like quality mum and son time.
Never saw my dad because he lived quite far from me and i needed that male role model in my life.

Made me very dysfunctional and abusive.

Obviously this sounds very selfish but i do want both to be happy, it just affected me alot. I guess if her boyfriend was different to me, my outlook would be completely different.
Last edited by smokeysteve22 at Oct 14, 2011,
#30
I think parents go into parenthood with full knowledge that they may have to sacrifice some of their happiness. At least, that's what i tell myself to feel better
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#31
Once you have kids your happiness and life doesn't matter -- only the child's.
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#32
Quote by behind_you
Your parents stayed together for you? You are causing them problems, TS.

Just tell them both to get a fucking divorce.



they were both divorced before i was 3 years old.....
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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#33
Quote by Paramore.
It's hard to wake up...
when the shades have been pulled shut...


This house is haunted, it's so pathetic.
It makes no sense at all...
#34
If the parents can't tolerate each other they should split. Because my parents never divorced, I grew up in dysfunctional family of lies, anger and passive aggressive bullshit.
#35
Quote by Jyrgen
If the parents can't tolerate each other they should split. Because my parents never divorced, I grew up in dysfunctional family of lies, anger and passive aggressive bullshit.



i know that feel bro.
(i was the first born and witnessed "The Split"
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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#36
Quote by Jyrgen
If the parents can't tolerate each other they should split. Because my parents never divorced, I grew up in dysfunctional family of lies, anger and passive aggressive bullshit.

Are you me...?

Know that feel, it's just worse...i'd rather be in a happy family with one parent, except you can't just tell your dad to gtfo, i guess
#38
Single parents are one of the worst things that can happen to a kid. I had one and I know a lot of single parents right now. It's very difficult on them and the kid.

I can appreciate parents that stay together for the kid. What I hate to hear is when someone says, "I'm just not happy," and leaves their spouse.

I think it's just about the most selfish thing you can do. There should be a pretty damn good reason to put one's happiness over their familys.

BUT: It's also stupid to stay together when you hate the other person. The kids will grow up treating their spouses the same way, someday, because that is all they know.


Disclaimer: Just my opinion.
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Last edited by mystical_1 at Jan 8, 2012,
#40
I have been told by my mother many many times that she and my dad stayed together for us kids or whatever. Which I think is fucking stupid. If she wanted to split up with my dad for as long as she said she had, then perhaps if she would've just split up our family wouldn't have become so unstable.

If the parent's lives are miserable, it will gravitate toward the kids sooner or later. My parents let the anger and shit build up before the divorce and now not only are they fucked up, but my siblings and I are as well. Now every time I hear the stupid "staying together for the kids" excuse I want to punch someone.
Last edited by Dregen at Jan 8, 2012,
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