#1
the tv's off, the heater broke
the street is lined with traffic cones
the county brought their wrecking balls
for houses that were never homes
summer yields to weekly graves
leafy smiles the year forgave
we grab our rakes and drop our names
dream about a warmer place
and as the lights begin to fade
behind our neighbors' flowery shades
something moves that isn't in our way
you bite your lip as you're trying not to say
it almost feels okay.
#3
Agreed about the last three lines, but really it's just the first of them: we lose the specific images you brought up earlier: something moves. what moves? We've heard about the flowery shades and wrecking balls, fading light and traffic cones. The line seems unnecessary: have any of the things you've mentioned been in your way?

For me, the rhyming takes some of the attention off the images specifically, and gives more feeling to the poem with the sound of it. A bloodred sunset, which may just be the clouds, or might be nuclear. either way, I'm left with a feeling of vague comfort. At least, enough to make it home on.
Last edited by spike_8bkp at Oct 17, 2011,