#1
"Maypole Maidened"

Maypole maiden
Spinning round' and round'
A treasure for the eye
Hales of golden gowns
Midas touched your face,
Didn’t he erase?
That Carroll fantasy
I knew you once to be. .

Waking Lazarus can't be done tonight
I'm at home alone, my mental states not right
Blank canvas eyes, turn off quick like light
Ignoring marmalades, I loved you twice

Trolls crawl from their grave
To tell me you’re not saved,
Like news from Jupiter,
I build the stones around me close,
I light a single flame,
To find the grove I hid,
A piece of paper torn,
It held you’re worn out name

Waking Lazarus can't be done tonight
I'm at home alone, my mental states not right
Blank canvas eyes, turn off quick like light
Ignoring marmalades, I loved you twice, I loved you twice.

I'll keep posting. I've got a lot more lyrics in me.
#2
This reads like one of those Portal-into-a-disney-fantasy movies from the 90s. Carroll knockoffs, if you will. plot: average kids are in a perfectly "normal" world when they find a fire hydrant, a tree, or a wardrobe which talks and trusts them into wonderland or camelot or something. then theygo bak home to age or share their story, or whatever. Verse, chorus, verse chorus. You've got a lot of references in a little bit of space, and there's not much consistency or order to them. The second verse makes surperficial sense, but I have no idea what -you're (as opposed to 'your,' as in "your worn out name"- talking about. What's the piece of paper, what grove are you hiding in? Do follow the trolls back down? I'm lost. And the ignoring marmalades line has got me flummoxed beyond belief. What happened between the first and the second time? Was the first time the Carroll fantasy? Did Midas end it?

There's creativity here, and the words are rich as in a children's book, but I'd really like to know what's going on, and it's not quite abstract enough for me to gather my own meaning and conclusions from it.

keep writing
#3
Thanks spike_8bkp. And thanks for your time you put into reviewing it. Your right, it lacks direction. I'll keep writing and try to improve