#1
I met a girl, She looked so good
I knew i would lover her more than anybody could
in my heart it felt alright
but we never got together at night

(chorus)
If we could get together one more time
Maybe then ill learn the rhyme
The rhyme of love

Its got Silver plated horses
And peaceful plains
It can bring you to a place
that erases everything
The flowers are stoned
the heavens are wide
The girl i loved, is all dressed in white

chorus

The feeling is true, like wildfire
It spreads all over and lifts you higher
Thats all i knew and its all Ive seen
Until i die ill be in loving misery


Comments or pointers suggested...this is a quick thing i wrote during English class about a girl i love. it still needs a lot of revising but help is welcome
Who's your daddy... well not me cuz ur momas ugly


These things are sex transport vehichles woot

This man just got a station wagon.
#2
In a lot of lines its good, in other's it comes acorss as being a little cheesy. The ultimate cheeseball I would have to say would be "the rhyme of love". Think about what you're saying there. To rhyme, be almost the same but be something completely different. I would revise the verse after the chorus, that's where all the cheese is. Also maybe change "but we never got together at night" to "but we never got together THAT night".