#1
Wrote this in 10 minutes. Tell me what you think, cheers. c4c

A single thread
holding back the deluge
Walls tumble and crash.
The end is Nigh.

But a pin prick
to cause the fall.
The coming of the storm
quick and sure.

A firestorm
raging out of control.
Destruction reigns.
Nothing is safe,
sacred.

Houses will burn.
Children will mourn.
Still it rages
Inexorable.

It will bury us all.
Blood will stain the rocks,
flow in the streams,
taint the earth.

And lightning will crackle.
Pierce the sky.
And send the moon tumbling
to lose itself amongst the clouds.

Existence frays,
coils and withdraws.
And with a bang,
a spark, a glimmer
it fades.
Last edited by HowIshotguitar? at Oct 22, 2011,
#4
This is great. It really gives a dark mood, as aCloudConnected already said.
I really like it. I get a good image of a progressively violent storm.
I really like the "houses will burn/Children will mourn" part.

Good job.
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#6
Great work man.

Love the imagery and darkness about this piece.
Guitars:
-Gibson Les Paul Custom Shop Silverburst (Invader/'59)
-Fender Standard Telecaster HH Black (SH-5/'59)
-Fender Standard Stratocaster HH White (Nazgul/'59)
-Austin Guitars Les Paul Goldtop Copy (Distortion/'59)
-Ovation ApplauseAE44II Elite Black Acoustic


Amps/Cabs
-Peavey 6505+
-Peavey Stereo Chorus 2x12 Combo
-Behringer Ultracoustic ACX450 1x8 Acoustic Combo
-Marshall MX2x12 Cabinet


Wayyyyy too many effects pedals...
#7
all good stuff here except the part about the end being nigh and all.
i think these lines could be a little longer perhaps i just feel like you could have said so much more.
who are the children?
why are they mourning?
i would like to see some changes to this because it has a lot of potential
#8
Quote by HowIshotguitar?
Wrote this in 10 minutes. Tell me what you think, cheers. c4c

A single thread
holding back the deluge
Walls tumble and crash.
The end is Nigh.
I'm not a fan of starting anything with a precipice. Verbs, nouns and adjectives all make it sound active, much more interesting instead of "A single thread" "A firestorm" The end is nigh line is really cliche, but overall there's not a huge deal wrong with it :P

But a pin prick
to cause the fall.
The coming of the storm
quick and sure.

A firestorm
raging out of control.
Destruction reigns.
Nothing is safe,
sacred.
'Storm' is boring. Tempest? Hurricane? If you're going to repeat a word, make it poetic
Houses will burn.
Children will mourn.
Still it rages
Inexorable.

This I liked. Dark and brooding, destructive

It will bury us all.
Blood will stain the rocks,
flow in the streams,
taint the earth.

And lightning will crackle.
Pierce the sky.
And send the moon tumbling
to lose itself amongst the clouds.

It seems to trail off here, There was a big awful storm and it is going to do bad things... how many ways do you want to say it?
Existence frays,
coils and withdraws.
And with a bang,
a spark, a glimmer
it fades.


Redemption. I loved the ending, it was wonderful This piece could use a lot of refinement, but theres potential to create a really nice piece.
For 10 minutes work, it's not horrible
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.