#1
You can hear me shut my mouth
You can see me hide my face

Being heard without a sound
So fresh the pain, so wet the paint

Of Graffiti!
The Secrecy!
Shun this, stunt this publicity

Graffiti!
The secrecy!
Graffiti secrets speak for me


So go invade some privacy
Out-of my face, out-of this place

Up on the wall for all to see
So fresh the pain, so wet the paint

Of Graffiti!
The secrecy
shun this, stunt this publicity

Graffiti! The secrecy
Graffiti secrets speak for me

Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity!


Graffiti secrets speak for me
Last edited by Trumpelstilt at Dec 16, 2011,
#2
I honestly don't think this needs editing much at all. The one possible exception would be the "Out of my face, out of this place" line, which perhaps is a bit of filler. It makes a statement without being in-your-face political and I like your use of repetition.

I imagine these are lyrics to an alternative rock song, though I could easily be wrong - that was just the sound that popped into my head.
#3
Quote by samoo
I honestly don't think this needs editing much at all. The one possible exception would be the "Out of my face, out of this place" line, which perhaps is a bit of filler. It makes a statement without being in-your-face political and I like your use of repetition.

I imagine these are lyrics to an alternative rock song, though I could easily be wrong - that was just the sound that popped into my head.


yes, exactly right, a heavy fast alternative rock song

here's an edit you might like:


Go invade some privacy
Out of my face, out of this place
Upon the wall for all to see
Fresh the pain, wet the paint
Last edited by Trumpelstilt at Oct 22, 2011,
#4
Quote by samoo
It makes a statement without being in-your-face political and I like your use of repetition.


thanks, that was what I was trying to do. The message of the song is that there are some things that people are under pressure to avoid talking about publicly and can only say anonymously with things like graffiti.
The political statement underlying it is that we are not really as free as we think.
#5
Quote by samoo
"Out of my face, out of this place" line, which perhaps is a bit of filler.


the "Out of my face, out of this place" line is not really filler. The scenario I imagined
when writing it was that of a frustrated musician who had to be politically correct in a public place where they were performing, and the song is sort of an angry song about how people aren't really allowed to be themselves or to say what they really think about things. So this person says 'you can hear me shut my mouth, you can see me hide face'
'Go invade some privacy, out of my face , out of this place'. It means the audience should go outside and read the graffiti the writer was forced to write some place else.

Hence:

Go invade some privacy
Out of my face, out of this place
Upon the wall for all to see
Fresh the pain, wet the paint

of Grafitti!
The Secrecy!
Shun this, stunt this publicity
Graffiti!
The secrecy~
Graffiti secrets speak for me
Last edited by Trumpelstilt at Dec 12, 2011,
#6
Are you planning on having screams in this song? Because on the one word lines I can imagine that really working. Maybe add something like "The Blood Drying on these boundary walls." Maybe as a tagline?
#7
Quote by cdayrocks
Are you planning on having screams in this song? Because on the one word lines I can imagine that really working. Maybe add something like "The Blood Drying on these boundary walls." Maybe as a tagline?


YEs, I like that line as the last line of the song. A final poetic touch.
Yes, the Graffiti! part is screamed, and maybe the next line , 'The secrecy!'
could be done by another voice, like a backup voice, a female voice backing
it up. So the male screams Fresh the pain , wet the paint, of Graffiti!
and a backup voice comes in right after with 'OOOh! The Secrecy!', almost commenting
on what he's just said. He answers with "shun this , stunt this publicity and again screaming Graffiti! , she mocks him again with 'oooooh,the Secrecy!", and he answers with "Graffiti secrets speak for me".
Last edited by Trumpelstilt at Dec 12, 2011,
#8
Triple bumping your post would be against the rules, but I don't think you need me reporting you for it :P

I quite liked this though, I can hear it coming together in my head
The repetition hits home the message without it being too "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN SO I'LL SCREAM IT AGAIN"
It's subtler than most in your desired genre.
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
#9
Quote by Mr.Pink101
Triple bumping your post would be against the rules, but I don't think you need me reporting you for it :P

I quite liked this though, I can hear it coming together in my head
The repetition hits home the message without it being too "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN SO I'LL SCREAM IT AGAIN"
It's subtler than most in your desired genre.


thanks, MP

yer right, its slowly coming together. What do you think of this?


You can hear me shut my mouth
You can see me hide my face

Being heard without a sound
So fresh the pain, so wet the paint

Of Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Shun this, stunt this publicity

Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Graffiti secrets speak for me

Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity!


So go invade some privacy
Out-of my face, out-of this place

Up on the wall for all to see
So fresh the pain, so wet the paint

Of Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Shun this, stunt this publicity

Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Graffiti secrets speak for me


Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity!
The blood is drying on these boundary walls
Last edited by Trumpelstilt at Jan 15, 2012,
#11
Quote by poisonousmetal
Punk?


this could be a punk anthem , but who knows? It could fit almost any
format of hard rock, but I would tend toward that type of driving fast beat,
I don't know how to label it. I don't have music for it yet. I hope someone
here puts it to music. I'm a singer and lyricist.
I can imagine how well this song would work with video too. All the color
of the graffiti , the streetscapes and ghettos.
If I shot a video for it , we'd hire the best graffiti artists in several cities
noted for graffiti areas, and have them spray paint the lyrics of this song
in different locales, different graffiti walls etc. , famous skylines and
landmarks nearby, from London to Los Angeles to New York to Detroit
to Munich etc. You'd film them as they painted each line in the lyrics, different people
painting, clowning , as they painted each line of the song in a different city, etc.
And you'd have this fast-take switching from
shot to shot as the song played out , with each painted line of the song
showing on a wall at the very same time that it is being sung.
Each painted line would be in a different style, color, location, of course, because
each would be done in the style of a different artist.

The video would start with the band performing in some club where they don't fit in,
the crowd doesn't like them. Some drunks in the audience are heckling them and imitating and mimicking them, then they try to unplug the amp , a shoving match
ensues, and someone throws a beer bottle. The band start smashing their guitars through the drywall , throwing drumsticks like boomerangs or daggers, while people start kicking over tables to get at them and throwing beer bottles etc.
You cut from that scene to the graffiti painting footage,
back and forth, and near the end of it the band starts spray-painting
the walls , still cutting back to footage of the real graffiti artists painting the lyrics in different cities, cutting from one scene to another, back and forth.

The final segment, (during the secrets vs. publicity! lines at the end of the song) is the band getting chased down the street by a mob of owners and bouncers from the club they just trashed, and they are just about being surrounded by this mob,
when suddenly all the featured graffiti artists (from around the world) show up together in a big gang , from around the corner, to rescue them, and it ends there
Last edited by Trumpelstilt at Dec 14, 2011,
#14
I added one more verse


*********************************************

You can hear me shut my mouth
You can see me hide my face

Being heard without a sound
So fresh the pain, so wet the paint

Of Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Shun this, stunt this publicity

Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Graffiti secrets speak for me

Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity!


So go invade some privacy
Out-of my face, out-of this place

Up on the wall for all to see
So fresh the pain, so wet the paint

Of Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Shun this, stunt this publicity

Graffiti! {oooooooh, the Secrecy!}
Graffiti secrets speak for me

Out in the rain's the private part
Cause you chew better than you think

Inside the heart, outside the art
The wall said 'drink horse drink horse drink !'

Graffiti! (ooooh, the secrecy!)
Shun this, stunt this publicity.

Graffiti! (ooooh, the secrecy!)
Spray and words touch for me


Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity
Secrets vs. publicity!

The blood is drying on these boundary walls
Last edited by Trumpelstilt at Dec 23, 2011,