#1
I filled my revolver up with blanks when she wasn't looking
and hid it where she would find it
so I can see if she forgives me or not
Last edited by greyeyedfire at Oct 24, 2011,
#2
Should change the last line to something with more impact, like "to test if her forgiveness (is that a word?) was genuine" like that but less crap :P,
the "me or not" bit was just a bit weak.

also the title is wicked. good job.
#3
good shit. i think the idea is great. the execution could use some polishing though, some restructuring. breaking this up into two sentences might help and make it more powerful.