#1
Just made this one public on youtube on the occasion of my fiancée's birthday. It was recorded a couple of weeks ago before I had received and absorbed everyone's very helpful feedback on previous efforts. So this is recorded straight through over my own looper track with no multi tracking and still in the key of E. It also features my harmonica playing for the first time. But thought you might enjoy this one nevertheless. More feedback welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rm5bbCZtd8

I will not be releasing any more for a quite few weeks while I work with all your advice regarding my voice, shifting key into a better range for me, jazzifying my blues, and using more of the fretboard. As regards multi-tracking, I first want to see if I can play and sing simultaneously on a simple song after a lot of practice, as this is my real goal...ideally performing without a looper either. Quite a challenge for me, but I am keen to have a go.

Please just point me towards your post if you would like my comments.
#2
I see you got a Blue Microphone just ordered one , sounds good quality. You have great timing with your singing. You could emphazing by elongating the last lines of the "verses" it's crying out for some backing vocals. On bits like "til the end of time" could be sung tiiiiiiill thhhe end-of- tiiiiiime. I find singing along to my own recordings a great way to try and improve my own vocals. You got a great voice for blues.

Really nice track overall it's not multi track, but the rythems a bit quiet. I'm sure if you keep practising doing what your doing you'll get where you want to get.

c4c - a lot of work left to do on this one but a good quality (hopefully) 1 minute.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1490556
#4
Harmonic was cool.

I think you playing too high the beginning it means that as a whole the track doesn't develop further and means the slide section which is pretty awesome lack the impact I think it could.

The phrasing on the guitar between lines but pretty good. But because the whole section doesn't develop (changing register, rhythmic development) it's starts to stall the song and this lead to my disengagement.

I'd consider clumping the lyric into 4s or two and then echo the guitar as a turnaround.
This mean fewer repetition results in more sustained interested.

I think you want be careful lyrically of two things. One overuse of hard rhymes i.e
weather fine
sunshine
Together
whenever

Things like this create friction (for a lack of better word.) so it can be useful but lead to predictability within the listen mind.

And your accenting.

Take the opening lines

Wake up in morning
I see you lying there
Curled up sleeping
Without a single care.

So the picture is it's morning
You are laying in bed (I'm assuming)
She's Curled up in a ball
and something about a single (this line need rephrasing)

You could adjust have you accents in better spot
I Wake up in morning (now it's a little more personal)
see you and your lying there (now we've gone from you to what your seeing)
Curled still all sleeping
(it's slightly slangy but blues related, and this line give me more info about what I'm looking at and add colour to the scene)
Can't wake you up, oh that ain't fair.

Oh you just a modi lady
And I'm a silly man
This all give you room to further development potential around the concept that your can't help but loving her. And an outro that could reverse this.
(Oh just my modi lady. But for loving you, I ain't a silly man)

(all woman love to feel like there fiance is a lovely idiot.)

So now you've got more a personal picture of your experiences and a result you can somewhere to grow in later verses. And a connection point that ties the verse together. In the form of the turnaround. (the V IV) part of a blues.

I think the concept of writing a song for someone you love is awesome. And I hope you can use some of those things as a spring board to develop it further. Looking forward to hearing it.

Cheers

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1489071