#1
First thing i've posted, so here goes.


Three days from the shore, the sail stretched to bursting,
our stomachs weighed with ore.
I squint through a column of spray that salts mouths and eyes and soaks us to the core.

This landlocked heart has seen all the world's to see,
I set my eyes upon the edges of the tattered map; the sea.

I feel it in my bones, these blank and empty miles
assure me that i'm never coming home.
The oceanic depths, the bottomless, they ask of me not a thing but my soul.

No boom-chain or anchor could hold me to this shore,
I'm gathering steam because i know there must be more.

Set my sails to the gale and my heart to the forge,
to hell with the atlas, oh god

there has to be more.
#2
Well, the title drew me in, let's see what you've got.

You need some work on your tenses. While the first stanza is good, you switch from past tense to present tense in the third sentence, a major no-no in literary works. A simple addition of "ed" to the word "squint" would fix this. And although I haven't read past the first stanza yet, I can only hope the rest of this piece is more consistent with its tenses.

See and sea is such a bad rhyme, and even worse, it's been done an infinite number of times before by writers far worse than you. Please find a way to revise the second stanza without ending both sentences with "See/sea." (By the way, world's should just be worlds. It's plural, not possessive.)

Third stanza is solid enough but "the bottomless" feels a bit out of place although I fully gathered the meaning.

Again, the lack luster rhyming of this "shore" and "more" could really be improved upon. Rhymes like that are just forced and immature. The rest of this piece clearly shows that such juvenile rhymes are far below your standards.

The rest is good.

I enjoyed this, despite all the things I pointed out. I think you have a lot of potential, you just need to work on some of the technicalities of writing and also work on refining and shining some of the good ideas you've got here. I'd like to read something else by you.
#3
The first stanza is all present tense. Stretched to bursting is describing it, not saying that it did stretch.
I'm used to writing things that don't rhyme, but i felt like this one did better rhyming so i did kind of have to force it.
And "world's" was actually meant to be a contraction for "world has". Thought it could work but it might be a stretch.
I appreciate it a lot though, i'm definitely going to keep working on it.
#4
i think the changes suggested in the critique above would fix about every part of this i thought should be changed