#1
S. II - Weight Loss and You: "Growing Smaller"

A box of bullion cubes thrown into a pie crust with Ranch dressing is not a food.
In hindsight, you will do ten jumping jacks then immediately start drinking.
Pack a bowl.
Nyquil and ice cream for breakfast.
I understand that it's hard, especially when you show initiative.
It's in that moment that food will appear in places that food should never be.
"Here are your new checks, sir. It's customer appreciation week here at
Chase. Feel free to help yourself to the free sandwiches by the door."

Fig. 3 - A small boy piles slices of thin sliced turkey breast onto a kaiser roll as his mother smiles.

S. IV - Healthy Relationships: "Finding Mrs. or Mr. Right"

Sometimes you get down in the mouth.
Believe me, I know.
I know!
It will have been five years since your last relationship.
Crushing doubt tumbles from the top of Girl Mountain.
There could always be a possibility (a possibility) that you will meet a
smart, sexy, creative, funny, striking woman who's sexual fetishes just so happen
to be all of your faulty characteristics:
"Really? From the ages of 19 to 22 you didn't have a cell phone because
you couldn't afford one? Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
Maker her hear herself getting wet through her jeans.
It's doable.

Fig. 5 - A man and a woman are enjoying a nice luncheon at an outdoor patio. Her hand is on his and both are happy.

S. XX - So You're in A Band Like Everyone Else: "Do You Guys Have A Cable I Could Use For Our Set?"

Before showtime we will read the set of standards and practices
originated for performing musicians in the mid 90's as a set of rules to
acknowledge and follow, dubbed the Morisette/Mascis Principle. Failure
to follow said guidelines will result in the deduction of points until you
and your musical act are disqualified from the competition and ran out of town.

I. Anyone who says "Are you ready for some Rock and Roll?" with serious cantor will
lose five points.

II. Self-promotion of merchandise will be rewarded with five points.

III. Playing past allotted time slot will result in the loss of 10 points.

IV. Finishing before allotted time slot - immediate disqualification.

Continue to pg. 35...

LXXXVIII. Constant wearing of tour laniard on your belt from several years ago will result in the loss of 15 points.

Go to your car.
Sit inside of it.
Pack a bowl and smoke.
How do you feel?
Are you struck with inspiration for a song?
Or are you thinking of the correct pronunciation of Gyllenhaal?
A G? or a hard J?

Questionnaire

1. You get a ticket for a seatbelt violation and appear at court. You didn't have your proof of insurance on you. You fail to fax the court your proof in the 3 days given to you. There's a warrant out for your arrest. Your cautious to drive anywhere because you have a busted headlight and someone swiped your front license plate. Do you...

1. Buy a replacement plate and bulb then drive hoping to not be pulled over.
2. Desperately search for proof of insurance and fax it to the court.
3. Drive to your favorite bar, get drunk, look for place to crash so you won't have to drive.
4. Pack a bowl, smoke, watch Lost and Found with David Spade.
Poor advice.
#2
Treble>Epiphone Prophecy EX - MXR micro Amp - MXR Blue Box - MXR Fullbore - MXR Noise Clamp - Vox AD30VT
Bass>Ibanez BTB505 - MXR Blowtorch - MXR D.I. - Peavey MaxBass 700 - Peavey TVX410
#4
What a neat little exchange.


This is entertaining. You are good. There was a little too much bowl-packing though. It kinda got too repetitive by the end, and I thought the Gyllenhaal thing was the only good use of it.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#10
Not necessarily. It wasn't even close to being your most well written or most inspiring or anything like that, but for me, it was the most enjoyable. Something about it was highly relateable to me, minus the weight loss part. I just dig'd it a lot, man. That's it.

Long story short; you've written pieces that were far better, but this one was my favorite.
#12
Quote by BluePaintCult
Not necessarily. It wasn't even close to being your most well written or most inspiring or anything like that, but for me, it was the most enjoyable. Something about it was highly relateable to me, minus the weight loss part. I just dig'd it a lot, man. That's it.

Long story short; you've written pieces that were far better, but this one was my favorite.
Fuck yeah. We don't get enough of that.