here ist my first try to write a instrumental metal track.

i'm a beginner i would be very happy when someone can give me tips to make better songs (or tell me if i make something totally wrong)
Hmm...Its almost melodic, but some of your chord choices are really strange. Not bad necessarily, but weird. The basslines and really weird though, half the time it seems like you're harmonizing a whole step down from where you should be. If dissonance is what you were going for, then you got it. But if not, then you need to work on it a bit more.
This is pretty weird, since the chord choices are weird but give the track a really sad and melancholic sound. I don't really agree with FrauVfromPoB, the bass seems to harmonize decently with the guitars, except at 21 when it plays a C while the guitar is playing a B; although I like it, you should change it up. Also a better structure would be welcome, because although I like riff salads this just sounds like a random compilation of riffs. Will give a better crit later; I'll send you a link when I have something new for you to crit.
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
okay, cirttin' as I go

- The drums in the first section lack any energy. It needs more cymbals going on, maybe put them at the first beat, the dotted second beat, and the fourth beat.
- Perhaps my biggest advice to give is to stay away from repeat signs whenever possible. They don't promote any creativity because you're missing out on a change to have the second repetition have a different ending, like a drum fill leading into another section (unless you use the alternate endings)
- The drums at bar 17 also need to be reworked. Maybe have some eighth note tom fills going on throughout, with some quick 16th note rolls thrown in here and there.
- Study harmony and intervals, you will need it. For instance, having the bass play a B and the guitar play a C is a minor 2nd and doesn't sound very nice. Moreover, in bar 31, you have one guitar play a D, and the other an F, which is a minor 3rd, sound much nicer. However, you go back to that 2nd harmony in the next bar.
- Again, for that solo (bar 41), stray away from repeat signs, because that opens the door to having the second half be a different melody and everything, and can also mean you do a drum fill into that last chord.

Overall, you have some improving to do, but you can only get better. Writing drums will get easier as time goes by.

If you want to check out some of the songs I've written, they're in my sig, and I would appreciate it
First: Thanks for your feedback.

I try to rewrite the song with the advices you gave me (perhaps the song ends up in the trash an i a make a new song).