#1
Ant on desk, sliced almost in half
with a steak knife.
Climbed the wrong wood didn't it?
Watched it still alive, still breathing.
Manically moving its arms around
trying to comprehend:
What just happened?
What's hurting so much?
Why do I deserve this?
Dragging its lower body in circles,
I felt a certain connection;
Maybe that's what happens to all of us.
One minute we're scraping houses for crumbs
and the next we're doing our best to
swim off the fever or fly or
jump off a faux wooden table because
it's all too much to bear.

Or maybe I'm a sadist.
#2
This was good. It read well, was vivid and had two distinct vibes in it to choose from. Therein lies the problem, though. For me, your first nine lines were too intense and focused on the life of an ant being cut up as a horrific act, when really it's just an ant. It's good that you're able to use a very common... thing... that kids did when they were young as an illustration for bigger things, but the dramatization felt unnecessary.

The second half of the piece, then, jumped into this darkly comical read, and reminded me of those 50's and 60's movies from America, based in the deep South, where the lead character is trying to hit it big time as an oil tycoon but cannot find anything. Again, it's a bit too dramatic - but in a different way.

It's better that you changed from one sense of melodrama to another, but I honestly would have taken this a lot more seriously if you had concealed the emotion and written in a reserved way. If you can make the reader feel something strong by giving them something weak, then that's brilliant. Anyone can force-feed someone rat poison and expect them to die. It takes more to get a drop inside their eyes and make their head explode.
#3
My original title for this piece was "Drama Class (Hardships of being an insect)" It's half about a skit me and some friends made in our drama class a couple years back and half about an ant I killed with a steak knife (which was what the skit kind of about, a person killing a spider with a spoon, then beginning to dwell on the final thoughts of said spider).

I'm finding it odd that most of the things people dislike about my writing are intentional The second bit wasn't meant to be dramatic though.

Thanks a lot for the advice by the way, I'll keep that in mind.

#4
i can think of many similar times ive had with ants... and similar thoughts.
but as to the poem itself i cant say much more...
i loved it