#2
I think it needs a bit of work.

Your images are good.
But I don't have any idea what this song is about. I'm confused. It's about a girl who is dating someone else but is in love with the narrator (you) but stays with this other guy anyway. Logical that doesn't really make any sense. A song about her returning after making that kind of mistake on the hand could work. It just sort of feels like the narrator is angry at the situation. But this isn't really explored either. It's just sort of sits in the middle.

I think you need refocus the "narrative structure" of the piece.
You have no vocal melody, so the lines just roll into each other. This can work check out Subterranean Homesick blues by dylan it's rolls but there is a some sort structure.

Keep at it.
I'm not really
#3
Orangaristocat,
If practical, I would delete the first 7 seconds. This sounds kinda late 60's/early 70's to me, which is fine by me. I can picture the psychedelic background video. The pitch control of the singer is not flawless, but it kind of fits the stoner vibe; otherwise the singing is good. I like all of the melodies and the clean guitar in particular. I like the percussion & lead guitar also. Nice song! Please review my music at this link:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1490985