#1
Why can't the worthwhile python frown?

As the powered task pauses,
The passive initiative starves.
Each beach pales outside any combat
And the felt torture forms her consultant.

When any unlocked monarch sounds my inertia
The stone spike groans,
An entire rocket shares the thousand cartoon
And the debugger stops.

Why can't the largest award band the wealth?
This accident scores near the circular duplicate.
When can a festival answer her search?
As ghosts trail a conflict opposite the breeding pedestrian.

Every repetitive love pales the clinic,
The heaven dismisses an infinite bed,
The knowledge nests across the hangover.
Another parody deeds an acoustic diary.

Outside the dawn accepts the subsidized arch.
Her unpopular corn cables a movie after a tenth
Bucket appears, a dancing photocopy calculates
The becoming cigarette absent every discrete campus.

The author writes before the smoking hate,
The miserable power overflows below a ritual,
The disease believes, the lung leaps,
The address screams into a tomato.

Do you believe me now?
Last edited by Dillon_Kennedy at Oct 29, 2011,
#2
I can appreciate this. I get it, the abstractness, the butterly-smooth flow of words that you can only really get when the words are nearly or completely meaningless, on the surface. It's all quite pretty.

But I can't love this. This isn't something that could ever capture my imagination or that I could grow from, because to me this is just a random assortment of phrases and words. So there you go. For what it is, it's good. But you're capable of much more. Channel this, the appreciation for the simple beauty of the language by itself(at least that's all I'm getting from it), and turn it into something truly beautiful and meaningful and raw, raw, raw. That's what you do with things like this. You make them raw as ****, raw down to the very core of life and you flesh everything out and show it to people and it makes them itch and makes them uncomfortable because there's life, right there, right on the page, parts of life that we're all trying so hard to ignore. That's what I think you need to do with what you're developing here.

If there's meaning behind this, it's impossible, for me, to tell.

I hope that even made sense.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Oct 29, 2011,