Join date: Jan 2007
921 IQ

Wrote another thing. I think it's pretty good. Not much to say.
Hope you like it. C4C obviously. I like plums better than peaches. Foof-bloof-goof, my milkshake is better than yours. The plural form of fungus is fungi.

Mashed Potatoes
staring at flames.gp5
Last edited by Shaharz at Nov 4, 2011,
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2011
41 IQ
It is not my style, but I like it, the chorus is very good.
In the verse there is a bass figure that does not fit, for example in 113 - 114, maybe you should change something (I corrected the c and the g to a c# and a g#).
The "fun stuff" is a nice change from the catchy chorus.
Perhaps you have another idea for the intro because it doesn't reveal much about the overall sounding of the song, I copied the acoustic guitar from the outro in measure 9 of the intro and liked the result, try it yourself.
Overall, the song is pretty solid, I also enjoyed to sing a along to it lol

Do you want to take a look at my song? :P
Last edited by ForcedIntegrity at Nov 3, 2011,
Join date: Jan 2007
921 IQ
Quote by ForcedIntegrity
In the verse there is a bass figure that does not fit, for example in 113 - 114, maybe you should change something (I corrected the c and the g to a c# and a g#).

My god you're right. I'm really stupid sometimes
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2011
177 IQ

Well, let's get to the point -

Intro - I didn't like the intro too much, actually i didn't like that melody/riff/whatever, it sounded too bland for me, and didn't fit too well...

Verse - When the vocals and the bass enters it gets better, and like ForcedIntegrity I also liked to sing along with the vocals , but I found bars 46 - 48 rather strange, like if the drums come in too suddenly...

Chorus - Great , also the only part that I liked that melody on Electric Guitar 1...

Fun Stuff - Nice change of pace there, but then that melody return at the solo
The solo is good though

Build Up - I'm getting really annoyed by that little melody in there xD

Heavy part - I didn't think it fit very well in the song.

Heavy chorus - It's nice, but I was expecting more higher vocals

Outro - Nice acoustic guitar

So, that's it... sorry for being a crappy reviewer xD

I like the song though, I just think you should consider taking that Electric Guitar 1 track off

And if you still wanna check something of mine, here's the link :
Join date: Jan 2007
921 IQ
Quote by KirkChicoHammet

Well, let's get to the point -

*pure evil review*

And if you still wanna check something of mine, here's the link :

Dude of course I still wanna check something of yours
A crit is a crit, even a if it is a bad one. Also, when I wrote this I knew imeddiatly that it isn't for everyone, or that even MOST people will not like it... But that's the fun of it. If you don't experiment, you don't get anywhere.

Going to check yours in a minute
Mean Mr Mustard
Naked By The Computer
Join date: Aug 2007
6,870 IQ
Hey thanks critting my song. Im not really a Steven Wilson fan, but Im always impressed by his work, so Ill take it as a compliment haha.

Anyways, onto your song. Starts with a pretty strange rhythm, I cant really follow it, but I liked the notes you were playing, they all sounded pretty good. I think you should add some sort of rhythm element, whether its just a closed hi-hat or something, because its sorta hard to follow. But nothing too big, because when the drums come in for the buildup before the chorus, it sounds pretty awesome.

The chorus itself was awesome too, especially from that buildup. Just felt very melodic and I liked it. The two measures of double bass sounded pretty cool too. Post-chorus may have been a bit too "weird" for my tastes, but I can definitely see it working. Verse 2 worked a lot better with the acoustic and drums backing it this time, and the MIDI vocals didnt really do it justice, but Id imagine some soft vocals over it would sound good.

Fun Stuff takes it in a new direction, but still works. The solo got a little funky haha, but again it all sounded okay. Buildup took us out form the solo and into the heavy part rather nicely though. And the heavy part, that was pretty cool stuff. The chorus is still very catchy, good job there man. Bars 279 and 280 sounded very good, almost in a theatrical way if you get what Im saying? The outro arpeggios were pretty peaceful, overall a very very very strong closer to the song.

Overall, it was a well written song, I really dont see that much room for improvement here. That whole verse/intro part didn't really sit right with me though, but It's not like it was poorly written or anything...I guess it just comes down to taste haha. But yeah, good job!
Hipster Jesus
Join date: Mar 2009
1,804 IQ
While the intro isn't the most original thing ever (in fact I'm pretty sure an old guitar teacher of mine has showed me that riff before) it works I suppose, although I'd change the rhythm a bit, but I guess I'm just used to a different rhythm of that lol.
I enjoyed the chorus, especially the ending part. The post-chorus was kind of meh, it serves well as a transition I suppose. Onto verse 2, you have the lead guitar playing that weird rhythm thing again, I just think it'd sound much better with a different rhythm.

Fun stuff was alright, nothing too great but nothing bad. Heavy part was pretty cool, I enjoyed the different pace. Chorus 3's vocals could use some improvements, I don't think they fit too well with what else is going on. The ending kind of felt cheesy to me to be honest, eh.

Overall, decent song. Just some parts were kind of boring and you had some weird rhythms going on at times.
If you would critic me back
Join date: Nov 2009
313 IQ
This sounds quite a bit like the old Swedish prog scene. Samla Mammas Manna is what comes to mind.

Great melodies. You stay real true to the foundations of progressive rock without sounding bland and generic. The only thing I believe could be improved are the vocals. They need a bit more variation from chorus to chorus, just to keep the listener on his/her toes.

Fantastic job with this, really.
Join date: Jan 2007
921 IQ
Thanks guys, you're great :P

Everyone seems to have a problem with the weird rythem in the intro (And everywhere else with the verse progression). Well, the weird rythem there is actually kind of the point :P
I tried to make the listener lose the rythem in the intro, that's exactly what I was aiming for.

Radman_Paiza, you got any specific song you want for the C4C or should I just choose randomly?
EDIT: Never mind, just critted the last thing you posted
Last edited by Shaharz at Nov 5, 2011,
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2011
76 IQ
Thanks for criting my song, just returning the favor here.

Overall, it's a pretty nice piece. Really love the chorus and the modulation (is that the term for it? "modulation"? not really sure...) at the end of it. The post-chorus sounds a bit weird imo though. The solo is great but the electric 1 melody backing it doesn't really fit, but that's just my taste. Maybe you should keep the acoustic going at that part.

The fun stuff part is great. It doesn't feel forced and the transition to it is nice. Really changed the feel of the song. The guitar solo following it is nice, too. The heavy part really gives me that feeling of a prog song where you were expecting "this" but unfortunately "that" happened in a rhythm. It's great. The acoustic outro is perfect, too.

It's a pretty decent song, good job !
Lancashire, UK
Join date: Dec 2009
913 IQ
I really liked the chorus, somehow reminded me of Nothing else matters by Metallica

The rest was also good, but the intro got a bit repetitive... you could put something like strings quietly in the background just to make it a bit more varied in the intro. The ending worked well, it sort of calms the whole thing down, although it did go on for quite a while, like the intro.

If you can be bothered, I'd welcome your opinion on this.