Page 1 of 2
#1
Wtf is this article. I am astounded. :

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

Trevor had never given me what I wanted from a relationship. At first, he wouldn’t even have sex with me. Then, finally, when he moved into my flat (probably more out of a desire to be able to walk to work than any real love for me) we started a physical relationship.
He was still very cautious, though. He refused to believe I was on the Pill, and insisted we use a condom for every moment of our intimate contact.
‘I don’t trust you,’ he said, muttering something about women claiming to want a career, but underneath wanting to start a family.
I called his bluff and told him there was no way I would want a baby with him, given he didn’t earn any money. Yet the truth was, I had hatched a plan that many will doubtless find shocking.
Because he wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I decided to steal it from him. I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night. I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.
The ‘theft’ itself was alarmingly easy to carry out. One night, after sex, I took the used condom and, in the privacy of the bathroom, I did what I had to do. Bingo.
I don’t understand why more men aren’t wise to this risk — maybe sex addles their brain. So let me offer a warning to men wishing to avoid any chance of unwanted fatherhood: if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest you find out exactly what she is up to.
As it turned out, my attempts to get pregnant by Trevor failed, and shortly afterwards he and I split up.



Yeah honey, that's why you broke up. Not because you're a psychopath. Jeez.
#2
Living with someone and buying them microwave dinners entitles one to have a baby with the other?


Seems legit.
#4
Lost count of how many times that's happened to me.
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#5
Well it is the Mail...
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
#6
Quote by Kevin19
Living with someone and buying them microwave dinners entitles one to have a baby with the other?


Seems legit.


My favourite bit was about "follow your woman to the loo after sex to make sure she isn't snipping the tip off your used condoms!"


Yeah, a few M&S micro meals and you are totally entitled to do that 0_0
#8
Ok......

That's creepy
Quote by ErikLensherr
Don't belittle it like that, your mom produces top quality stuff.



C4C
[thread="1339859"]Hammerhead[/thread]
[thread="1341152"]Anglerfish[/thread]

VOTE
Thrustor: 2012
#9
Quote by RU Experienced?
As if I wouldn't donate it in the orifice of her choice willingly.


Are you kidding? She's an absolute psychopath.
#10
if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest you find out exactly what she is up to.

Here's a quiz for ya:

is it:

A: Peeing?
B: Cleaning herself?
C: Finishing off because she didn't climax?
D: Using the jizz from the condoms you threw away to try to impregnate herself without your consent?
E: Taking a huge shit?


If you answered any one of these but D, then I'm sorry, you're completely normal and NOT a batshit psychopath. If you picked E, then you are of course also completely normal, but I'm also sorry to say, unless your house is huge, we can hear you and unless we're asleep we have no choice but to listen to your farty poopy sounds, with the image of your naked body still burned freshly into our minds.
#11
I've stolen my own sperm a few times.
--------------╯╰--------------
A SIGNATURE.
--------------╮╭--------------
#13
fucking hell

so according to this particular brand of crazy, feminism means women can do whatever they want whenever they want it and use lame ass rationalizations like 'i was desperate' and 'i thought it was my right because i threw garbage in his microwave' whilst having the nerve to tell the guy to be more attentive to what a girl does in the f
ucking bathroom and dancing around lame contraceptive statistics, but when a guy does something even a little irrational or self-righteous, they pull out their castration tools
"I specialize in driving a set like I'm driving a Lexus" - Uncle Mez
Last edited by laid-to-waste at Nov 4, 2011,
#14
Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
Are you kidding? She's an absolute psychopath.



i dont think he cares about her state of mind
#15
Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
Should always be A, btw, unless you like UTIs. Which nobody does.


As you were >_>

E and A don't cancel each other out, you know.

Also, I'd hope she'd B after she either A'd or E'd, although if the guy fell asleep there'd always be time to still C.

But nowhere, nowhere, NOWHERE should D ever occur.


Either way, do people really get up and throw away the condoms in a different room right after having sex? isn't tieing 'em up and throwing them in the bedroom wastebasket good enough?


Quote by laid-to-waste
fucking hell

so according to this particular brand of crazy, feminism means women can do whatever they want whenever they want it and use lame ass rationalizations like 'i was desperate' and 'i thought it was my right because i threw garbage in his microwave' whilst having the nerve to tell the guy to be more attentive to what a girl does in the f
ucking bathroom and dancing around lame contraceptive statistics, but when a guy does something even a little irrational or self-righteous, they pull out their castration tools

unfortunately, yes, this is a pretty wide-spread kind of crazy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryTYt9jl-4A&feature=related#t=2m00s
Last edited by CoreysMonster at Nov 4, 2011,
#17
Is M&S ready meals Mark&Spencer? What the hell has that to do with anything? If they're ready meals it shouln't be too hard to make...

And what guy says he wants to put on a condom, despite the woman saying she was on the pill? There are so many holes in this article.
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#18
Quote by Kensai
Is M&S ready meals Mark&Spencer? What the hell has that to do with anything? If they're ready meals it shouln't be too hard to make...

And what guy says he wants to put on a condom, despite the woman saying she was on the pill? There are so many holes in this article.


I get it
#19
Quote by Jawlytomtom
Are you trying to be objectified?


That's 2 fingers.

Could be a vaginal reference, more objectism, 2 more fingers!
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#20
condoms have a spermatocide kinda lube on them, which means that it kills sperm cells, so you can't use sperm from a condom.

I'm not sure if that applies to all condoms though

(in the right thread this time)
#21
Quote by Trowzaa
That's 2 fingers.

Could be a vaginal reference, more objectism, 2 more fingers!


what?
#22
Quote by ComradSputnik
condoms have a spermatocide kinda lube on them, which means that it kills sperm cells, so you can't use sperm from a condom.

I'm not sure if that applies to all condoms though

(in the right thread this time)



It doesn't.


OT: I don't question the veracity of the story, but I see some anti-feminist bias the Daily Mail has bleeding through. "Women don't want careers, they just want babies."
Quote by EndTheRapture51
hard sciences don't have correct and incorrect answers actually
#23
Quote by CoreysMonster
unfortunately, yes, this is a pretty wide-spread kind of crazy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryTYt9jl-4A&feature=related#t=2m00s


the fucck?

is that show where ms ozzy and a bunch of other ladies just sit and say shit like that with no apparent consequences as long as they put a funny spin on it?

hey guys, wouldn't it be hilarious if a woman's eye and arm was cut off and put in a garbage disposal?!!? LOL, it'd depend on the reason tho. i mean, if the woman didn't make her husband a meal that day or swore, i think it would've been totally justified.
"I specialize in driving a set like I'm driving a Lexus" - Uncle Mez
#24
Quote by StewieSwan
It doesn't.


OT: I don't question the veracity of the story, but I see some anti-feminist bias the Daily Mail has bleeding through. "Women don't want careers, they just want babies."


are you guys doing these on purpose? "bleeding through"
#25
Quote by Jawlytomtom
are you guys doing these on purpose? "bleeding through"



Doesn't it smell a bit fishy to you?


Quote by CoreysMonster
unfortunately, yes, this is a pretty wide-spread kind of crazy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryTYt9jl-4A&feature=related#t=2m00s


This clip infuriates me every time. I'm gonna go cut of some girl's breast and throw it in the disposal and we'll see how funny it is. Oh wait, that would make me the scum of the earth.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
hard sciences don't have correct and incorrect answers actually
Last edited by StewieSwan at Nov 4, 2011,
#27
Quote by StewieSwan
Doesn't it smell a bit fishy to you?

Tastes like old, rusty coins to me.


What?
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#28
Yeah, I sometimes flick through Daily Mail articles when I'm bored too >_>
Quote by the_white_bunny
your just a simpleton that cant understand strategy apparently.

Quote by the_white_bunny
all hail king of the penis sucking(i said balls. you said dick for some reason?) Isabiggles
#29
Quote by Kensai
Is M&S ready meals Mark&Spencer? What the hell has that to do with anything? If they're ready meals it shouln't be too hard to make...

And what guy says he wants to put on a condom, despite the woman saying she was on the pill? There are so many holes in this article.



And honestly, I don't trust a girl that says shes on the pill unless I see her take it every day.

OT: This bitch is crazy, and the quote in OP isn't even the whole story. Apparently, she did it to at least one more guy as well.

Edit: And honestly, if you are really that fucking desperate, go to a fertility clinic and talk to them about getting some eggs frozen, or even acquiring donated semen. Because if I was actively not trying to get a girl preggers and she pulled some shit like this behind my back, I would never talk to her or the child, and drag her ass into court over stealing my genetic material.
Quote by Butt Rayge
Pretty sure Jesus was decaffeinated.


I'm just a hedonist without happiness
Last edited by doomded at Nov 4, 2011,
#32
Man steals sperm = He must be a homo or a thief trying to make money on the black market.

Woman steals sperm = She is using her rights.

-------

Man drives a lowrider = He must be a criminal.

Woman drives a lowrider = She's adventurous.

--------

Man buys another drink = He is there only for the women.

Woman buys another drink = She is having a good time.

--------

Man has a scarred sex organ = The bastard has sex three times a night yet I only do it once.

Woman has a scarred sex organ = She has had a baby / She was molested / The man's services are inadequate.

--------

Man lives with his mom = He is incompetent.

Woman lives with her mom = She needs the emotional support.

--------

Man dress like a girl = He must be a horrid transvestite.

Woman dress like a man = What a proud emancipated example of free choice.

--------

Man aged 23 gets kicked out of his parents house = It's about time he grows up.

Woman aged 27 gets kicked out of her parents house = She deserves all the support she can get from anyone.

--------

Man gets works hard for his money = Try harder.

Woman does less for same pay = You're doing great.

--------

Man uses makeup = What a fag.

Woman doesn't use makeup = She is very secure.

--------

Man wears tight clothes = ******.

Woman wears preggo clothes without being pregnant = Fashion.

--------

Man buys a woman a drink = He is a worthless dog hunting for easy prey.

Woman buys a man a drink = She is feeling generous.

---------

Man designs a building = Everything could be wrong.

Woman designs a building = What a fine display of mathematical prowess.

---------

Man gets drafted = He is an agressive runt, good for nothing.

Woman doesn't get drafted = WE DO ALL THE WORK.

---------

Man develops emotional problems = DEAL WITH IT.

Woman breaks a nail = Emergency fundraisers for this poor woman please.

---------

Man plays bass for five years = He knows his traits but he needs improvement.

Woman plays bass for a year = She is the best bass player I've ever heard.

----------


And now, the other end.


Woman develops increasingly more profitable products = This doesn't go with our policy.

Man manages to get the world to trade money for money = This man is a legend.

--------

Women have had breast milk for millenia.

It took a man to figure out how to disinfect it without boiling it.

---------

Woman makes good career choices = She is doing great.

Man kisses ass and doesn't afraid of anything = He will be the next president.

----------

Woman cooks = She can provide for herself and her family.

Man cooks = He can provide for the whole ****ing city.

-----------

Woman gets bumped into by another woman = OUCH THAT HURTS.

Man gets a stone thrown at his head = A fine hit, young master.

-----------

Woman drives a car like she belongs in F1 = Atleast she knows how to brake.

Man drives a car like he belongs in NASCAR = A god amongst gods.

------------

Woman composes something as if Bach wrote it himself = She's skilled enough to play it, atleast...

Man composes a lullaby = What an incredible poëtic display of intellect.

-----------

Woman fits a light bulb and gets zapped = She might have gotten herself killed !

Man replaces a section of the national power grid and gets zapped = 'Tis but a fleshwound.

------------

Women often eat with the most decent of table manners when at a restaurant. People care if they are eating with the wrong knife, or if they are holding the fork wrong.

Men often eat with similar decency. But nobody cares, so there is absolute freedom.

------------

Woman wrestles in mud with another woman = What a difficult fight !

Man wrestles in Siberia with a bear = No sweat.

-------------

Humans need water to survive.

Men can aim their piss at a container, so they can in dire cases drink their own piss (or they are Bear Grills).

Women need to worry about not soiling it with poo and menstrual fluids. And they detest the sheer concept of consuming their excretions with rhythmic repetition.

-------------

Woman has menstrual cycle.

Man has not.

--------------

Woman enters the menopause = Flubbery vagina's are bad, mkay.

Man enters late-life crisis = Penis remains strong and vigilant.

--------------

Woman wears multiple layers of sweaters = Complains that it's still too cold.

Man goes shirtless = **** temperature, there's ****ing snow I wanna dive into.

--------------

Woman tries to rescue many people with the powers of the elements = She barely manages.

Man tries to rescue many people with his hand and a gun = He saves more than planned.


I can keep going. And so I did.

Yay me.
#36
Quote by Lord_Doku
*stuff*

Really, at the end of the day, it all comes down to:

Man - Opening the pickle jars
Woman - making the pickles into the sandwich

or to make it simpler:

Man - Having the pickle
Woman - using the pickle

See, it's a codependency where both sides have their parts, one could not survive without the other, and it's something I see more and more people (including myself) forget.

I call it the pickle-paradigm.

But dude, stealing pickle-juice, that's a BIG no-no.
#37
Quote by CoreysMonster
Really, at the end of the day, it all comes down to:

Man - Opening the pickle jars
Woman - making the pickles into the sandwich

or to make it simpler:

Man - Having the pickle
Woman - using the pickle

See, it's a codependency where both sides have their parts, one could not survive without the other, and it's something I see more and more people (including myself) forget.

I call it the pickle-paradigm.


Oh well, I had too much time to waste

But dude, stealing pickle-juice, that's a BIG no-no.


And what if the woman is pregnant ? Preggers LOVE pickles. Should we just substitute the green pickles with our own ?
#39
Quote by Jawlytomtom
what?


I thought we were discussing The Pit drinking game
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


Page 1 of 2