#1
Rudimentary in design,
The silhouettes of dignity slouching into themselves
Implosions of the bold draw forth speculating eyes
Which spill thoughts, forming a corrosive wading pool
Trudging through feelings felt indifferent towards, fatigue begins to bite
And as fatigue evolves into regret, it becomes evident that you are not alone
Incapable now of any further advances, the beginning seems like such a beautiful place to be

Criticism is widely welcomed-- I need about as much help as one could.
Thanks for reading.
#2
Before delving too far into this piece, what kind of poem is this?

If it is a song, the last 3 verses do not fit with the constant flow. Shorten them. The first half of the second last verse can be taken out, for example.

You don't need to do the C4C, this doesn't really count as a full crit. But if you want, just clicky One? in the sig.
Last edited by yoman297 at Nov 8, 2011,