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#1
I searched this...apparently it doesnt exist yet????
SO post some awesome jokes. Or lame ones. I really dont care which.
OH HELL YES METALCORE
#2
How many users does it take to use the searchbar?


One.


Alternatively, how many users does it take to fail at using the searchbar?


Still one.
Check out my band Disturbed
#3
so how about that WNBA?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#5
An Irishman walked out of a bar.


What did the kid fall off his bike?
Because you're a stupid ****.
You want some more seeneyj hate? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

You're all a bunch of f*cking slaves! - Jim Morrison

UG Awards
1st: Biggest Ego
1st: Most Likely To Become Famous
1st: Most Pretentious User
#6
Three elephants walk into a large bar and order three bottles of Jack Daniels.

The first elephant says, "I bet I can drink this faster than you guys," and, with that, gulps down the entire bottle in six seconds flat.

The second elephant, not wishing to be outdone, says, "I'll take that bet," and immediately gulps the bottle down -- this time in 5 seconds.

The third elephant sees this and asks the bar man, "Is the smoking ban effecting business much?"

"Not really, we've got the old heaters outside so we're doing alright. Things will pick up again now in May or so," says the barman.

"They will, I suppose," says the third elephant, nodding.
Last edited by due 07 at Nov 8, 2011,
#8
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Mittens
OH HELL YES METALCORE
#9
I would post a poop joke but it's too corny.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#11
Quote by ChadLikesGuitar
Seal in French is Phoque. Pronounced eff u c k. hahahah


that was our favorite word to use when we had a substitute teacher for french class.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#13
Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.

Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.
Epiphone Les Paul Standard Plus
Jackson King V
Jackson Kelly
Handmade Gibson Les Paul
Marshall JCM2000 DSL100/JCM900 1960 Lead cab
#14
Quote by GunsNSnakepits
Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.

Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.

WHats the difference between a Ferrari and 100 dead babies?
Theres no Ferrari in my garage
OH HELL YES METALCORE
#15
why didnt anyone hear the pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
because the p is silent.
IT'S OVER 9000!!!!
#17
Who is a TS, likes kittens (ftw) and just posted spam?


Give up yet?
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#18
A trucker is driving down the road and see's a woman about to jump off a cliff. He pulls over and tries to stop her, asking for a blowjob if she were to not commit suicide. She gives him the blowjob and the man asks "why were you going to commit suicide, anyway?". She replied "because my hair makes me look like a woman".
Quote by Primus2112

*lolstack*

I had to do that instead of a real lolstack, because the number of lols would exceed the image limit. But dear god


Quote by Burgery
Well he's not a bad teacher, it just seems like he really doesn't know an awful lot about what he's teaching...
#20
Ok, a couple gay jokes (dont bitch at me its.all in good fun)

What's the difference between a freezer, and a fag? The freezer doesn't.fart when you pull the meat out.
Why do gay men have mustaches? To hide the stretch marks.
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#21
Quote by ETHANEVIL

Why do gay men have mustaches? To hide the stretch marks.

I don't get this one.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#22
Quote by ErikLensherr
I don't get this one.

From blowing other men. Yeah I know its not that good....
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#23
Quote by ETHANEVIL
Yeah I know its not that good....


it's not good at all.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#24
Quote by theogonia777
it's not good at all.

Yeah......I know..........
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#25
Ya, that's too convoluted.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#26
Quote by ErikLensherr
Ya, that's too convoluted.

I'm too convoluted. I didn't make that one up though.
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#27
Lol....what do you call an dead baby in a fridge?

....a tragic event that should lead to the person who is responsible to severe a long prison sentence...

how long does a baby take to blow up in a microwave?

i don't know because i was to busy masturbating to look at the timer...
I haz gotten gud
#28
What do I really want to do right now? Die. No, really I want to fvck you. Haaaaa......
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#29
Quote by ETHANEVIL
What do I really want to do right now? Die. No, really I want to fvck you. Haaaaa......


yeah, some people just aren't funny. and you're one of them.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#30
Quote by theogonia777
yeah, some people just aren't funny. and you're one of them.

You coincidentally are very good at being an asshole. I'm not trying to be funny.
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#31
Quote by ETHANEVIL
I'm not trying to be funny.


you're in the wrong thread then.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#32
Anti-jokes re the worst kind of humour. Lower and duller than even american sitcoms.

Quote by theogonia777
that was our favorite word to use when we had a substitute teacher for french class.

We always yelled out 'je t'aime le bleu.'
#33
hey...here is a joke i heard....

one time this kid....he was listening to nickel back...and he almost died.....


so how you doing nate?
I haz gotten gud
#34
Quote by ApatheticMe
hey...here is a joke i heard....

one time this kid....he was listening to nickel back...and he almost died.....


so how you doing nate?

I see what you did there.
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#35
well I would tell a gay sex joke....

butt fuck it.
I think we took too many drugs when we were kids,
'cause now we like to make
Weird Music
-Wayne Coyne
Last edited by iantheman at Nov 8, 2011,
#36
oh did you now.....lolz.....let me think of a few good jokes.....

The Pit's Sex life.......

and

Nickel Back
I haz gotten gud
#37
Quote by ApatheticMe
oh did you now.....lolz.....let me think of a few good jokes.....

The Pit's Sex life.......

and

Nickel Back

My life
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
#38
Stop talking to yourself.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#39
Quote by ErikLensherr
Stop talking to yourself.

I'm sorry, were you in this conversation? I think not
Quote by Stranglehold
That's it, you're all banned.

Quote by stevebomb
If I wanted to listen to something slow, I'd play some hippie music.
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