#1
kinda a spoken word type piece

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I'm sick of the world and its darkness.
sick of all these youth feeling helpless.
stressed by the tests of the day to day,
even the simple turns into a fight for one's own mortality.
kids who have their childhood ripped from them,
forced to grow up in a place that would rather be rid of them.
alone in a way that lets their emotions corner them.
forced the breath the words that become poison,
until numbness is welcomed and a smile is a rare commodity.

what kind of world have we created
where billboards boast their newest lies
of what needs to be done to be excepted
all these, aimed at the insecurities of these kids
who don't have the coin to cover the high cost of living
forced to walk the hard roads
bare-foot and bloody knuckles
walking across coals
but nothing to prove, just wanting to feel the burn against their souls
every step a challenge
every wrong move another cut
navigating their way through this cursed world
through this planet slicked with oil and emissions
service elevators and emergency exits
coffee cups and low-fat sugar packets
life and all its meaningless accessories
searching through needles just hoping for a haystack
just trying to escape
everything to run from but nowhere to run to
been beaten black and blue
and for what?
they're persuaded that for some unseen reason they deserve it.
and I'm sick of it
see the pain in these students riding city transit
working two jobs and their grades start to slip
abandon dreams and ambitions to provide rent and nutrition
because daddy left and isn't coming back
so suddenly it's up to teens to pick up the slack?
i just don't get it

and downtown people boast tuques, blankets, and an empty timmies cup
hoping to get some change from the rich folk
but we drive by in the comfort of our cars
and make excuses like 'well they might be liars'
or maybe they're just looking for their next fix
hell, how could my money even make a difference.
so we shut down the sensory overload
and ignore the fact that it chills us to the bone
numb ourselves to everything we see on a day to day basis
set ourselves into a comatose survivalistic status.
but would it kill us?


well it is.

somehow we have created a world where pain is promoted
and true joy is labeled as 'discontinued'
we say very few words at the funeral
like "if only we had known"
that this young man with a thorn in his side
turned to the razor to cut out the lies
to cut out the pain he had inside
on every bus trip,
every work shift,
every class,
every family get together.


"if only we had known"
that he was going through this
we could have helped
how could we have missed it
are we blind to the scars and crying?
oh, it must just be a phase he's in
he will grow out of it.

until one day he decides he has had enough of these hard times
and at age 18 he ends his own life.


"if only we had known"


if only we had payed attention, loved, and done something about it.
we need to be better than this.

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i know its long, but i hope you read it.. im looking forward to hopefully reading some critique from you guys. or jsut let me know if you enjoyed it or felt anything from it.
#2
this feels laboured. unfortunately in my opinion critically flies on the coat-tails of Shane Koyczan denegrating into the sea of other 'socially aware' spoken word poets. what are you saying differently? yes, the world sucks. but its hopelessly self-involved to proclaim that you're sick of it without suggesting anything. yes, you're using sentiment to achieve an emotional end but its cliched. the 18 year old who kills himself. what about him though? what makes him more than a statistic? your sentimentalism ends up being swept up in the sea of your forethought- say something about society here if you're going to talk about it. you're preaching to the choir here in the spoken word community. I enjoyed some of the wordplay here, whether intentional or not- soul/soles etc. but mostly the diction was incredibly reminiscent of Shane and the other spoken words that are your contemporaries. I understand the effort- keep going. you just need to push. this was all too easy,