#1
I write all my lyrics in the back of my mind
sailing away to the boarderlands of time
there i lay and reminisce
past, future everything i'v missed
life is short, fragile, a gift
apply yourself to the riches of family and good health
for friends will follow you till the day of your death.
so smile, be happy and relax
lifes so simple take what it gives!!!


Just a little poem from me to life!!!!!!!!
what u think guys?
<<<<<Tel Salvador>>>>>>
Peace!
Last edited by Kirke23 at Nov 11, 2011,
#2
Hmmmmm.....
I don't know how serious you are as a writer...if you are a simple terrestrial expressing his wonder and delight in the world around him, then this indeed is very good.

But however, if you intent to create a reputation of some sort with your work, I would say good job, now scrap this and write something better.
To be a critic I would say it's terribly cliche and painfully unoriginal. Speak in the figurative! Use a metaphor or two! (and life is a gift is an overused one) Get descriptive!
Or just get some new subject matter.


If this doesn't apply then go upon your blissful, merry way - if it does, then I hope this helps you in your future work!


...and if you're are so inclined...... https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28525546#post28525546