Page 5 of 108
#161
Today I took my dog and best friend of 9 years to the vet to be put down. I guess I should feel lucky when I say it's one of the hardest things I've gone through, but it doesn't really make it any better. He was 14 years old (we didn't really start hanging until he was 5 and I was around 12), and I feel so lonely and cold down here in the basement all alone. His hips were going, and he wasn't eating anything. I had to carry him up the stairs to go outside the past month. I loved him, we were like brothers. There wasn't one time where we spent more than 2 days apart, and I want to keep turning around and see him laying there, and I hear things (normal things) and my mind, for a split second, thinks he's still here.
I love you, Buddy, and there won't be a time when I won't. You were my best friend, and you were always there for me for whatever I needed. You impacted me like nothing else ever has, and I owe you a great deal in terms of happiness and fulfillment. You were a good boy, the very best. Rest in peace. I love you.
#162
Quote by Mudmen190
Today I took my dog and best friend of 9 years to the vet to be put down. I guess I should feel lucky when I say it's one of the hardest things I've gone through, but it doesn't really make it any better. He was 14 years old (we didn't really start hanging until he was 5 and I was around 12), and I feel so lonely and cold down here in the basement all alone. His hips were going, and he wasn't eating anything. I had to carry him up the stairs to go outside the past month. I loved him, we were like brothers. There wasn't one time where we spent more than 2 days apart, and I want to keep turning around and see him laying there, and I hear things (normal things) and my mind, for a split second, thinks he's still here.
I love you, Buddy, and there won't be a time when I won't. You were my best friend, and you were always there for me for whatever I needed. You impacted me like nothing else ever has, and I owe you a great deal in terms of happiness and fulfillment. You were a good boy, the very best. Rest in peace. I love you.


I've always wanted a pet (a cat in particular), but my mother has always hated them and she won't even let me buy one.

I'm so sorry, though. I can only imagine what that's like.
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Yamaha Pacifica 112
Alvarez SLM
Orange Dark Terror
Orange PPC212OB 2x12 cab
Yamaha P-85 Keyboard
#163
Quote by Blackwaterson89
Hey fail. Listen. Those days are going to exist. There are still days I feel shitty. You have to find a way to break the cycle though. You have to find your niche that makes you feel like a mother****ing beast. Find it fail. I know you can.


It's a self-esteem thing. I've disliked the way I am for as long as I can remember, but most days it just kind of lingers in the background of things, you know? Today, it's right in my face and everything seems to remind me of how repulsive I am. Oddly enough I do know where I feel like a beast, but I fear it may not be enough to make me want to hang on forever.
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#164
Hey fail, if it's a self esteem thing, then i guess you should work on your self esteem.
Know where you feel like a beast? Make even more places that'll make you feel like a beast.

And i doubt people actually find you repulsive, as most of the times, you're the only one who can see your faults.
Hugging Thread; I'm here to help


Oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
Surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
Another uninnocent, elegant fall
Into the unmagnificent lives of adults


It's Tessa, not Tesse please.
#165
Quote by Tessalate
Hey fail, if it's a self esteem thing, then i guess you should work on your self esteem.
Know where you feel like a beast? Make even more places that'll make you feel like a beast.

And i doubt people actually find you repulsive, as most of the times, you're the only one who can see your faults.


Ah how I wish that were true. I am often reminded of my flaws by others, ranging from how ugly I am or how little I have going for me, and I'm pretty confident now that my future is hopeless. I just wanna go into a coma.
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#167
You would resort to coma sex to get your Pitt-child.
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#169
I'm slightly scared. Well, slightly is an understatement. I started Ballroom Dancing for the first time in my life about 6 weeks ago. So I'd normally be classed as a beginner, am I right?

We have our first competition coming up, next week to be precise, and unfortunately my normal partner can't make it. So they put me with a novice, the class above beginner.

I'm shitting myself. Why? Why did they put me up a class? I'm not that good, I can't be that good, I've only been doing this for 6 weeks. Ugh.
An Augmented 4th or a Diminished 5th?


Quote by I.O.T.M
You, fine sir, have impeccable taste.


Ahhhh Yuck Fou.
#170
Quote by Dawginator
I'm slightly scared. Well, slightly is an understatement. I started Ballroom Dancing for the first time in my life about 6 weeks ago. So I'd normally be classed as a beginner, am I right?

We have our first competition coming up, next week to be precise, and unfortunately my normal partner can't make it. So they put me with a novice, the class above beginner.

I'm shitting myself. Why? Why did they put me up a class? I'm not that good, I can't be that good, I've only been doing this for 6 weeks. Ugh.

It's alright bro. Feel the music and channel John Stamos
#171
@fail Look, who the hell cares what they think. In the end, it's about you and only you.
Looks mean almost next to nothing. It's about how well you present yourself. (Hygene, confidence)
You should tell people to stop talking about your flaws, as that shit is yours and yours only to reflect on and improve.
Don't say your future is hopeless man, that just cements it. Your future is not hopeless at all. As long as you still have time, there is always hope for the future.
Might I ask why you think the future's so hopeless?
Hugging Thread; I'm here to help


Oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
Surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
Another uninnocent, elegant fall
Into the unmagnificent lives of adults


It's Tessa, not Tesse please.
#172
Quote by fail
It's a self-esteem thing. I've disliked the way I am for as long as I can remember, but most days it just kind of lingers in the background of things, you know? Today, it's right in my face and everything seems to remind me of how repulsive I am. Oddly enough I do know where I feel like a beast, but I fear it may not be enough to make me want to hang on forever.

I know it is a self esteem thing, why do you think I said find something that makes you feel like a mother ****ing beast. We all need a fire lit under our ass sometimes. We all need take that step forward and leave the shit that is bother us on the ground. We all have find our own safe way of dealing with that shit. Personally for me it is listening to music, this song does a good job for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpSW0GNkqMI

As matter of fact, I would recommend all their albums. I have the first two, it is good self therapy.
Quote by Mudmen190
Today I took my dog and best friend of 9 years to the vet to be put down. I guess I should feel lucky when I say it's one of the hardest things I've gone through, but it doesn't really make it any better. He was 14 years old (we didn't really start hanging until he was 5 and I was around 12), and I feel so lonely and cold down here in the basement all alone. His hips were going, and he wasn't eating anything. I had to carry him up the stairs to go outside the past month. I loved him, we were like brothers. There wasn't one time where we spent more than 2 days apart, and I want to keep turning around and see him laying there, and I hear things (normal things) and my mind, for a split second, thinks he's still here.
I love you, Buddy, and there won't be a time when I won't. You were my best friend, and you were always there for me for whatever I needed. You impacted me like nothing else ever has, and I owe you a great deal in terms of happiness and fulfillment. You were a good boy, the very best. Rest in peace. I love you.

Dude I get how you feel man. When I first start high school, I just got a dog, Ironically his name was buddy too. I had him for a month. I was the one who walked him and was raising him. One Day he got plowed by a van. They didn't even stop to say sorry. They keep flying down the road. I couldn't teach him not to run in the road. My dad made me bury him. Something only me and him only understand to this day. My dad want to teach me it was a part of life. There are going be time when we lose very important things, but what's important is keeping that memory alive while moving on. We can't stay in one spot, we have carry on. I hope I helped in some way.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
Last edited by Blackwaterson89 at Nov 19, 2011,
#173
YES, I did it. The dog was pretty calm except when we came there. He didn't bark(which is the thing that I dislike the most) and he didn't come so close because I held my goddaughter tight(the dogs owners daughter) and they have taught him not to get too close to the children. But he ran around like a mad man.
Quote by TheChaz
I ran over two squirrels at once one time. They were chasing after each other in the street, and I swerved to avoid them, but ended up with one under each tire. Still my greatest driving accomplishment to date.

Quote by WantsLesPaul
Hitler could have been aborted
#174
Quote by Axeaman
YES, I did it. The dog was pretty calm except when we came there. He didn't bark(which is the thing that I dislike the most) and he didn't come so close because I held my goddaughter tight(the dogs owners daughter) and they have taught him not to get too close to the children. But he ran around like a mad man.

now that wasnt so bad, was it? youre getting there, it might take some time, but you will eventually conquer your fear of dogs. youre on the right path
#175
Guy who been having problems lately I want you think about something. The Gambler by Kenny Rodgers. What the hell does this how do with life? It's the truth about life. Life is a gamble every step you take will have effect or in some rare existence moments you walk away clean. You have know went to hold them, you got know when to fold, you got know when to walk away, and know when the **** to run. Every hand is a winner, Every hand is a loser. The best thing you can hope is to die in your sleep. Every choice has right choice or bad choice. Only you can ultimately choose what to do. Also, do not be afraid to fail. Some times there is victory in defeat. Keep you head up. I failed in the Army but I got out and found my fiancee. I found a career in my field while going to school for it. Sometimes a losing hand can be a blessing.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#178
Hey guys. First post here (in the new one at least) and could do with a hug or two. Not sure if it's contagious, but I have yucky Catarrh stuff in my throat and I don't think I can go to work tomorrow. (Yay?) I can't sleep or eat.

I guess it could be worse.

*pre-reply hugs *
#179
Vendetta: hey man, how are you?

Chuckles: what makes you think you are bipolar? i think your therapist isnt giving a clear answer because he/she doesnt want to tell you that you have something when he/she isnt fully convinced you have it. with that i mean that the therapist must fist exclude all other possible explanations for your symptoms.

ctb: sounds nasty. wether its contagious or not is dependent on the underlying cause probably. its fine to take a day off, make sure youre well before returning to work, not taking care of yourself will only make matters worse. that last part may be hypocritical though...


im not sure how im going to keep this all up. all i do is flee from reality by playing games right now. for the first time in a while did i actually feel really sad again, strangely enough, this was in a dream. it seems like the only place i can still really feel emotions is in a dream. also, did you know that daydreaming in a dream is possible? turns out it is. i was actually having suicidal thoughts in my dream at one point. i clearly remember biking through town and suddenly feeling this wave of despair wash over me. i also have a feeling my fatigue is getting worse, i grow more tired every day i think, or at least it feels like it...

despite me doing very well in uni right now, i cant help but feel like its all so very useless sometimes. everyone is praising me and telling me how smart i am, but ill just think that stuff like that probably wont matter in the end anyway. and i still believe its true when they say that nice guys finish last.

and still noone around me knows how messed up i really am inside. neither my family nor my closest friends... i just dont want to bother them with it, hell, burden them with it.

now i feel sad, but its not the soulrending sadness i felt in my dream last night. its that shallow feeling that will pass within minutes, like always. feelings never last long, nor are they doing more than scratching the surface of how i really feel, or should i say should feel...
#180
Quote by ctb
Hey guys. First post here (in the new one at least) and could do with a hug or two. Not sure if it's contagious, but I have yucky Catarrh stuff in my throat and I don't think I can go to work tomorrow. (Yay?) I can't sleep or eat.

I guess it could be worse.

*pre-reply hugs *

Shit I haven't seen you since V2. I hope you get better.
Quote by ChaosInside
Vendetta: hey man, how are you?

Chuckles: what makes you think you are bipolar? i think your therapist isnt giving a clear answer because he/she doesnt want to tell you that you have something when he/she isnt fully convinced you have it. with that i mean that the therapist must fist exclude all other possible explanations for your symptoms.

ctb: sounds nasty. wether its contagious or not is dependent on the underlying cause probably. its fine to take a day off, make sure youre well before returning to work, not taking care of yourself will only make matters worse. that last part may be hypocritical though...


im not sure how im going to keep this all up. all i do is flee from reality by playing games right now. for the first time in a while did i actually feel really sad again, strangely enough, this was in a dream. it seems like the only place i can still really feel emotions is in a dream. also, did you know that daydreaming in a dream is possible? turns out it is. i was actually having suicidal thoughts in my dream at one point. i clearly remember biking through town and suddenly feeling this wave of despair wash over me. i also have a feeling my fatigue is getting worse, i grow more tired every day i think, or at least it feels like it...

despite me doing very well in uni right now, i cant help but feel like its all so very useless sometimes. everyone is praising me and telling me how smart i am, but ill just think that stuff like that probably wont matter in the end anyway. and i still believe its true when they say that nice guys finish last.

and still noone around me knows how messed up i really am inside. neither my family nor my closest friends... i just dont want to bother them with it, hell, burden them with it.

now i feel sad, but its not the soulrending sadness i felt in my dream last night. its that shallow feeling that will pass within minutes, like always. feelings never last long, nor are they doing more than scratching the surface of how i really feel, or should i say should feel...

I am going give you ace to win this hand right now.. Bad days happen and bad dreams happen too. I have also man. Those dreams that just **** with your head. Here is the thing bro. They are just dreams. It will okay man. You are a smart guy who has made a lot of progress. I was so happy to see you being the one helping guys out here when I could finally be in here more. You were the in need of help long ago, you overcome. You made out of that shit storm. I am glad to have you as friend and as hugging thread brother. You can do anything you put your mind to. If you need help, I will be right here in this thread waiting pick you up.


Awkward heros hug.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
Last edited by Blackwaterson89 at Nov 19, 2011,
#181
Quote by ChucklesMginty
I've been hypomanic about 6 - 7 times in the last year. It lasts about 30 minutes to an hour and it's the best feeling I've ever had. I explained the whole deal to him, he was actually the one to use the word hypomanic. But it was exactly how I thought of it. He was really positive about it though... He said that not everything had to be an illness and I should see it as a positive. Like a personality quirk that could benefit me.

I said I just wanted to know if I had a mental illness. He then said it would probably keep happening for longer periods of time but with less intensity, I said that isn't what I wanted. He just shrugged and gave me a slightly disapproving look and said 'who knows?' I can't really remember the whole conversation. I just want the feeling back... It's been about a month. I really want it to happen in a social situation so I can experiment with the increased self confidence and talkativeness.

You should try to get a second opinion.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#182
Quote by ChucklesMginty
At the same time I don't want to find out. Because I'm worried that it's not really real, or I'm overreacting to something minor to make it more exciting than it really is.

But then running down by the river with a massive grin on my face and saying hi to strangers isn't like me. I don't even know. I just want the feeling back.

It is better to find out what you are dealing with, so you can handle it. You got know all the cards in your hand man to make a good life for yourself.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#183
Quote by Blackwaterson89

I am going give you ace to win this hand right now.. Bad days happen and bad dreams happen too. I have also man. Those dreams that just **** with your head. Here is the thing bro. They are just dreams. It will okay man. You are a smart guy who has made a lot of progress. I was so happy to see you being the one helping guys out here when I could finally be in here more. You were the in need of help long ago, you overcome. You made out of that shit storm. I am glad to have you as friend and as hugging thread brother. You can do anything you put your mind to. If you need help, I will be right here in this thread waiting pick you up.


Awkward heros hug.

it wasnt particularly a bad dream though, i cant recall much of the rest, but i know it wasnt a bad dream besides that, although its the only part that really stuck with me. nightmares arent a problem for me though, being a gamer i always find some way to kick ass in nightmares.

i can say im in a way better place now than when i first came here seeking help. but the nature of my problem makes it extremely tough to fully overcome. i read up on it, even with proper treatment it may stick with me for the rest of my life. so i fully expect to get severe downs at times. but i do believe its more manageable when you know whats wrong. know thy enemy.

and im also glad to have you back in here as a hugging thread brother. i couldnt let this thread go without regulars, so i stuck here. besides i see it a therapeutic thing to help others with their problems, i might help me as well.
Quote by ChucklesMginty
I've been hypomanic about 6 - 7 times in the last year. It lasts about 30 minutes to an hour and it's the best feeling I've ever had. I explained the whole deal to him, he was actually the one to use the word hypomanic. But it was exactly how I thought of it. He was really positive about it though... He said that not everything had to be an illness and I should see it as a positive. Like a personality quirk that could benefit me.

I said I just wanted to know if I had a mental illness. He then said it would probably keep happening for longer periods of time but with less intensity, I said that isn't what I wanted. He just shrugged and gave me a slightly disapproving look and said 'who knows?' I can't really remember the whole conversation. I just want the feeling back... It's been about a month. I really want it to happen in a social situation so I can experiment with the increased self confidence and talkativeness.
i agree with your therapist. our society is hell-bent on classifying anything that is slightly abnormal as some sort of mental illness, while it may not have to be an illness.

also, i dont think having a few episodes of hypomania that last only a very short while is enough to classify it as bipolar. unless you have had phases of real depression before, and even then, theyre usually longer phases of hypomania i believe. but im not an expert by any means, so dont take this as me telling you that you arent bipolar, because i cant say anything on that subject.


on an unrelated note: besides trying to mark everything as a mental illness, there is still very much a stigma on mental illnesses in this society. this seems very much backwards to me. also one of the reasons i am very much reluctant to tell people whats wrong with me, because they will view me as crazy and i dont think any girls would want to get involved with someone with depression either, i dont want to ruin the miserably low chances i already have completely.
#184
Chaos. We all have things we have deal with and overcome. For me it is depression and Anxiety. I deal with my disorder without medicine or treatment. I use music. Five Finger Death Punch or Iron Maiden is my recent therapy. It's fine bro, I understand.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#185
@ChucklesMginty Hah, you sound like me after two cups of coffee . I really don't let myself drink coffee though, because i think of it as cheating in social situations.
Hugging Thread; I'm here to help


Oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
Surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
Another uninnocent, elegant fall
Into the unmagnificent lives of adults


It's Tessa, not Tesse please.
#186
Quote by Tessalate
@ChucklesMginty Hah, you sound like me after two cups of coffee . I really don't let myself drink coffee though, because i think of it as cheating in social situations.

It's not cheating, it is getting the upper hand
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#187
Quote by Blackwaterson89
Chaos. We all have things we have deal with and overcome. For me it is depression and Anxiety. I deal with my disorder without medicine or treatment. I use music. Five Finger Death Punch or Iron Maiden is my recent therapy. It's fine bro, I understand.
music is great indeed, i use it often and it can actually influence my mood. sometimes i intentionally listen to sad music though, because sadness i pretty much the only emotion i can summon up and i sometimes rather feel sadness than this void.

Quote by ChucklesMginty
Well I've been depressed about 5 years... But anyway, you're right. I just needed a couple more opinions, it doesn't matter if you know what you're talking about or not.
thats right, i cant always keep track of who has what in here, but i did figure you have a history of depression.

but i have to admit though, i sometimes wish i would because hypomanic, just to feel alive again and get a taste of 'normal' people would feel like. then again, if i did, i would only feel worse because of me then knowing what it feels like to be happy again and knowing what im missing out on...


and agreed with Brandon on the coffee part. i purposely dont drink coffee though, i want to save it for those emergency situations and not build up caffeine resistance/addiction
#188
Quote by ChaosInside
music is great indeed, i use it often and it can actually influence my mood. sometimes i intentionally listen to sad music though, because sadness i pretty much the only emotion i can summon up and i sometimes rather feel sadness than this void.

thats right, i cant always keep track of who has what in here, but i did figure you have a history of depression.

but i have to admit though, i sometimes wish i would because hypomanic, just to feel alive again and get a taste of 'normal' people would feel like. then again, if i did, i would only feel worse because of me then knowing what it feels like to be happy again and knowing what im missing out on...


and agreed with Brandon on the coffee part. i purposely dont drink coffee though, i want to save it for those emergency situations and not build up caffeine resistance/addiction

Here is good mood injection Chaos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn481KcjvMo
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#189
@ChaosInside - Aye, thank you. Getting rid of it is quite easy. As I am doing right now. Trying to get my appetite back is the more annoying bit.
@Blackwaterson89 - Thanks, son.
#190
Quote by Tessalate
@fail Look, who the hell cares what they think. In the end, it's about you and only you.
Looks mean almost next to nothing. It's about how well you present yourself. (Hygene, confidence)


If you want to be part of society and accepted by people, they do matter. It's a pretty huge blow to my confidence and something I've struggled with for a long time. I have tried to not care but that's not working for some reason.

You should tell people to stop talking about your flaws, as that shit is yours and yours only to reflect on and improve.
Don't say your future is hopeless man, that just cements it. Your future is not hopeless at all. As long as you still have time, there is always hope for the future.
Might I ask why you think the future's so hopeless?


I'm just going nowhere in every aspect of life. Career-wise, socially, emotionally, mentally, everything. I can't see myself living very long because of how weak I am in all of these areas.

Quote by Blackwaterson89
I know it is a self esteem thing, why do you think I said find something that makes you feel like a mother ****ing beast. We all need a fire lit under our ass sometimes. We all need take that step forward and leave the shit that is bother us on the ground. We all have find our own safe way of dealing with that shit. Personally for me it is listening to music, this song does a good job for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpSW0GNkqMI
As matter of fact, I would recommend all their albums. I have the first two, it is good self therapy.


I can deal with it temporarily with things like music. And today I'm hardly thinking about it like I was when I first posted. But occasionally I become so aware of myself that it almost makes it hard to function.

Depressing night. My social anxiety is ridiculous.

>Hear of party/house show nearby featuring some cool music
>Decide to attend even though I have no one to go with
>Travel to said house
>Suddenly realize nobody wants me there and remember how awful going to parties by yourself is
>Drive away
>Park in bookstore parking lot
>Contemplate my existence and why I don't have friends and why I do this shit and everything is meaningless and oh god I should just drive off a cliff right now ffs
>I spend night alone in bookstore reading Albert Camus

Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#191
Hey guys.

This may seem spontanious and lulwut inducing, but if this helps someone, posting this was worth it.

It doesn't matter what your struggles are, or your problems are. You all probably see yourselves as monsters, but i don't see monsters in this place. I see caring, loving human beings pleading for help here.

Nobody is perfect. Life is never perfect for anything or anyone and its unfair of you to expect perfection from yourselves. Life is far from perfect for anybody, but its how we get over these experiences and how we get ourselves out of our struggles that make us all better people, who can help others in their time of need.

After being depressed for 4 and a half years and trying all sorts of treatments from counselling to drugs, to possible hospitalisation, i decided to give hypnotherapy a try to help get me back on my feet. After 1 session, i already am starting to feel better.

I know this may sound crazy and i might sound like i'm full of shit to those who are in a negative mindset, but feeiling at your darkest, to the point of wishing for death and wishing to throw away your friends and families love to satisfy your demons was in the end, worth it.

I learned so much about my life and myself thanks to psychotherapy in just 1 session, in which the reaction i got was utterly profound and vivid. I have a long way to go to get myself out of depression and i may well come back here in the future asking for help from the regulars here. But now i know that there is a way out. I owe it to all my friends to try this when i felt my most hopeless.

Again, these feelings of complete hopelessness and self-loathing were worth it, as i hve learned so much about life, humanity and myself. None of us are enemies against each other. We just need each other and we need to look out for each other.

I know this might not mean a whole lot being on the internet and all, but i truthfully hope that you all have a nice day.



Take care.
Quote by TheSennaj
And well yes, I'll enjoy the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, because trying to get one is clearly smarter than any word you have spoken thus far.
#192
@fail Okay, so you've written down some stuff you're bad at. But I'm sure there are aspects at life you rock at right? Tell us what makes you feel "beast."

Social anxiety CAN be fixed, you just have to take the right steps.
I was a total different person last year, but during the summer, i forced myself to get outside my comfort zone. I invited people on biking trips, concerts, kayaking, anything that made for good social practice. It's hard i know. There were moments where i felt like shit and I didn't know what to do with myself. You have to keep on fighting man.
I really hope i can help you in anyway.


Edit: ^^^ Inspiring stuff man
Hugging Thread; I'm here to help


Oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
Surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
Another uninnocent, elegant fall
Into the unmagnificent lives of adults


It's Tessa, not Tesse please.
Last edited by Tessalate at Nov 20, 2011,
#193
Suicide ideation. That's all I have to say about me right now.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy
Quote by The_Blode
^ I'm sorry your highness I forgot that I'm subhuman. . .

Quote by ErikLensherr
Normani
Normani
Normies
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#194
Quote by zgr0826
Suicide ideation. That's all I have to say about me right now.


I once in a while think about jumping in front of a car just to see what would happen.
Is there a reason for the ideation?
Hugging Thread; I'm here to help


Oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
Surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
Another uninnocent, elegant fall
Into the unmagnificent lives of adults


It's Tessa, not Tesse please.
#195
Quote by ChaosInside
music is great indeed, i use it often and it can actually influence my mood. sometimes i intentionally listen to sad music though, because sadness i pretty much the only emotion i can summon up and i sometimes rather feel sadness than this void.

This, so much. I'm doing it right now.
Cheerful music just doesn't do it for me anymore. Crying is much more satisfying than not being able to feel anything.
cat
#196
Quote by guitarxo
This, so much. I'm doing it right now.
Cheerful music just doesn't do it for me anymore. Crying is much more satisfying than not being able to feel anything.
i think ive only managed to get myself to cry once or twice in the past 5 years probably...

have you seen that therapist yet? if so, how did it go? forgive my curiosity.
#197
Quote by guitarxo
This, so much. I'm doing it right now.
Cheerful music just doesn't do it for me anymore. Crying is much more satisfying than not being able to feel anything.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_ZG_ZAtRzc

?

This song's been making me calm all week. I haven't been able to train because of illness/work so I'm getting all uppity and irritable. Sometimes if everything is getting stressful it just helps to try and not look for emotional highs, whether they're happy or sad ones. Just take deep breaths and relax instead of trying to feel happier or sadder straight away.

Quote by the_white_bunny
your just a simpleton that cant understand strategy apparently.

Quote by the_white_bunny
all hail king of the penis sucking(i said balls. you said dick for some reason?) Isabiggles
#198
Quote by ChaosInside
i think ive only managed to get myself to cry once or twice in the past 5 years probably...

have you seen that therapist yet? if so, how did it go? forgive my curiosity.

Aw :/ Do you have an outlet though? Not being able to cry must be so frustrating if you can't get it out any other way.

Yeah, I met with her yesterday. She didn't say much, just got me to talk about what I was thinking atm and listened. Most of the people she sees around this time of year are stressed out because of finals and that could be why I'm feeling this way but since it's been like this for a few months and it just recently got worse, she said that's probably not the case here. She seemed very mysterious about it and I don't know how much it'll help but she just seemed like a really nice person overall and I won't be nervous of going back to see her again.

Quote by isabiggles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_ZG_ZAtRzc

?

This song's been making me calm all week. I haven't been able to train because of illness/work so I'm getting all uppity and irritable. Sometimes if everything is getting stressful it just helps to try and not look for emotional highs, whether they're happy or sad ones. Just take deep breaths and relax instead of trying to feel happier or sadder straight away.


I love that song!
The thing is though, songs like that do calm me down, but if I leave myself calm and unaffected all my thoughts just get negative and self-critical because I'm not thinking about much else. This probably sounds really weird but crying gives me something to do that won't make me think about anything, and when I'm done crying I'm too tired to do anything else so I sleep. It's probably not good for me but it works
cat
Last edited by guitarxo at Nov 20, 2011,
#199
Quote by guitarxo
Aw :/ Do you have an outlet though? Not being able to cry must be so frustrating if you can't get it out any other way.

Yeah, I met with her yesterday. She didn't say much, just got me to talk about what I was thinking atm and listened. Most of the people she sees around this time of year are stressed out because of finals and that could be why I'm feeling this way but since it's been like this for a few months and it just recently got worse, she said that's probably not the case here. She seemed very mysterious about it and I don't know how much it'll help but she just seemed like a really nice person overall and I won't be nervous of going back to see her again.
there doesnt seem to really be a way to let it all out. the only thing i can do is keep busy with uni and hide from reality through gaming. and yes, it is extremely frustrating.

good, it is important that you get along with and trust your therapist, else it could do more harm than good. i think she wants to get a better picture of what is going on before she draws any conclusions about it.
#200
Quote by guitarxo

I love that song!
The thing is though, songs like that do calm me down, but if I leave myself calm and unaffected all my thoughts just get negative and self-critical because I'm not thinking about much else. This probably sounds really weird but crying gives me something to do that won't make me think about anything, and when I'm done crying I'm too tired to do anything else so I sleep. It's probably not good for me but it works


I've been there. What i do afterwards however is to force myself to find another musical outlet and for me, it involves songwriting and lyric writing most of the time.

Sometimes I simply do not have the energy to do anything however, so i often just sleep. But i know that if i do sleep, my insecurities have won me over and given my situation, that was not an option. I'm assuming that you want to get yourself out of this?

Well, in the situation i was in at the time, being suicidal, i would never have survived. Instead of going back to sleep one night, i decided to find friends who could help me, as lonliness was the thing that was killing me. It was agonising to do this because i didn't want to be a million miles away from any human being, but i knew that i had no choice if i wanted to win.

It sounds scary and unnerving to do that, but sometimes forcing yourself into the company of others, even if its just on the internet can really help if the people are willing to hear you out. I found help through the internet and in turn, they support me to this day.

I have a responsibility to get myself well, not just for my family, but for those friends. I dared myself that i would kill myself right in front of them, but seeing them in such sadness and the people who were watching me, couldn't bear to look at what i was doing. It was really that moment onwards that I realised that my friends really did care. From then onwards, anything that i do to help get myself better is in their name as well as my own.

That's some of my experiences, you might do it a different way to what i did, which terrorising your friends is not a sympathetic way of doing it. But i did it when i was feeling my most irrational, so i didn't realise the scale of what i was doing. I was also killing myself with drink if i remember, which didn't help to say the least.

Give yourself somthing to do, dude. If you have nothing to do or you simply do not have the energy to do it, i reassure you that i'll be here to listen to you. Don't go to sleep, man. you'll just have to deal with your problems again the next day.
Quote by TheSennaj
And well yes, I'll enjoy the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, because trying to get one is clearly smarter than any word you have spoken thus far.
Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Nov 21, 2011,